Owen Smith hoped Labour actually had a chance of winning with him at the helm

Welsh centrist and shit Sgt. Bilko impersonator, Owen Jones, or is Smith? Who can remember? Who actually gives a fuck? Said that Labour might have had a chance in the General Election if he were the leader. Probably. I can’t remember because I fell asleep reading the fucking headline.

Anyhow, the miniature Tony Blair and professional backstabber had less fucking chance of winning a Labour majority than Eric Pickles has of walking past a fucking Burger Kind without going in.

Remember Angela Eagle? Nah, me neither, but she probably had more of a chance of winning than that perpetually smug cunt.

He was quoted as saying; “I don’t think any of us can argue with that and therefore I think he’s earned the right to try and get Labour into power and earned the right to be out next prime minister.”

Which is strange because it was only a few months ago that he was telling us all that Jeremy Corbyn was unelectable, you know, before he challenged him to a leadership bid and lost making the daft prick…erm…un fucking electable.

 

 

Donald Trump just twatted the news

“Trump’s critics overseas have jumped all over the clip quicker than an ex prisoner on a whore, eager to point out that the tiny handed vagina puller is in fact inciting violence towards members of the press.”

The most powerful man in the world, President of United States of America, King of the Oompa Loompas and walking toupee warning. Donald J. Trump just released a piece of propaganda so crude that it would make Kim Jong Un wince and Joseph Goebbels spin in his fucking grave.

The clip posted on Twitter is a subtle representation of President Trump winning his war against so called ‘fake news’. That’s if you think that some old footage of the orange hued, gimp jawed, strutting demick wrestling someone to the floor, with the victims face superimposed over with the CNN logo is subtle.

Trump’s critics overseas have jumped all over the clip quicker than an ex prisoner on a whore, eager to point out that the tiny handed vagina puller is in fact inciting violence towards members of the press. Accusations which the toad grinned, twin chinned, fuck has obviously denied.

And to be honest, I’m with President shit hair on this one. I don’t think the cunt is intelligent enough to realise that his actions may have consequences, like fucking off free health care or denying global warming. To him it’s just a funny video of him pretending to beat the fuck out of someone.

After all, it’s not like a super fan with one brain cell is going to see it, get pumped up, then shoot a journo is it? Who’d even give someone like that a gun in the first place? Oh yeah, that’s right, fucking America.

Well played you fucking perma tanned, gimp faced, shirt collar stretcher.

Tories heil anti austerity protest a success because ‘millions of other people stayed at home’

Tories heil anti austerity protest a success because ‘millions of other people stayed at home’

This isn’t true obviously. They didn’t comment at all because they don’t give a fuck. Like Jon Snow being advised by his inner voice at music a festival, they’re just not listening.

Grenfell and the recent terror attacks have held a spotlight to the failures of austerity on our front line services, and even raises questions of basic safety issues being neglected by a penny pinching cabinet of cunts.

The government may not be listening, but the public anger is certainly in their periphery, like a fucking underage audience member at a filming of Rolf’s Cartoon Club. It’s enough for them to project the illusion of change but obviously nothing will.

There’s more spinning going on at Tory HQ than in a fucking gym class on the 1st of January. They’ve U-Turned more than fucking Maureen’s driving instructor and sound bites likes ‘lessons have been learned’ and ‘we need real change’ from senior Conservatives are polluting the air waves like a fucking Jedward track.

It’s great that people are out in force today united, but it won’t make a speck of difference, because for all the Tory rhetoric and bullshit, if they actually wanted to start ending austerity they could have made it happen in the commons the other day, instead of cheering as they voted it down like the heartless, out of touch, uncaring bastards that they are.

 

The Purge: Election Year

“It’s all gone to his head quicker than a fucking Hopkins Tweet after a tragedy.”

Grandpa’s had enough! Those MP’s who thought they could stab him in the back with one hand and pat him on it with the other have learnt a valuable lesson. This yogurt knitting Kumbayer ain’t taking no shit no more.

For two years we’ve heard how he can’t lead or unite his party, and that was exactly right when it was packed to the rafters with more cunts than a fucking bailiff convention.

Surely the basics of party unity is to get behind the fucking leader? Well Jezza was always a soft touch wasn’t he? They could go on TV wearing a fucking ‘Corbyn is a cunt’ T-shirt and return to a hug from the poor forgiving bastard.

All that changed last night though. The last few weeks have made Corbyn more cock sure than Mick Jagger before he started decaying. It’s all gone to his head quicker than a fucking Hopkins Tweet after a tragedy. He’s walking around like he won for Christ’s sake. The cunt even played Glasto.

Last night though he’d had enough. No more piss taking. Those who defied him are gone, and from where I’m standing that can only be a good thing. There’s still plenty of scum to mop up, but soon he’ll have a fully united party and we’ll have a proper opposition.

He’s got more occupations than the fucking Job Centre

“The cunt has more exposure now than fucking Kim Kardashian’s glistening fat arse.”

That bollocks nosed, country fucking, wealth hoarder, George Osbourne, now has a 6th job as an honoury professor of economics at Manchester University. What’s he teaching? How not to run a fucking economy? Who’s taking maths, fucking Diane Abbot? What else is on offer, advanced driving with Peter Sutcliffe?

I’ve heard the term Jack of all trades, master of non, but that Ceaser haired punch puppet takes the fucking piss. When Treeza sacked him I thought I’d miss him, standing there grinning to flashes of the press cameras, with his fucking red box full of misery on budget day, but the cunt has more exposure now than fucking Kim Kardashian’s glistening fat arse.

I bet people are being sanctioned because of that greedy, slack faced, crack eyed, soundbite repeater stealing all the fucking jobs. The Job Centre now has more filled positions than fucking Katie Price. Well, apart from the three which have just come available in the Labour party. No cunt wants one of those though.

The fucking middle distance staring twat has more titles than a fucking library, you remember them don’t you? They were the big things filled with books that were all shut down during Emperor Osbourne’s reign.

Oh, sorry everyone, I’ve got to go. Apparently I’ve just been laid off and I’m being replaced by….. The magnificent former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Editor in Chief at the Evening Standard, Commander of the seven armies, high priest of the Church of St. Cameron, Professor, Doctor, Sir George Gideon Oliver Osbourne!

Tossers celebrate 10 years of iPhone

“What’s the difference between an iPhone 6 and an iPhone 6s? A fucking ‘s’ and 300 quid, you thick cunts.”

Unbelievably it’s been a decade since the iPhone revolutionised modern life, by combining all the items we used to carry around with us like phones, MP3 players and the fucking stocks market into one handy touch screen device.

It was good to start with don’t get me wrong, but soon HTC, Sony, Samsung and a multitude of other devices quickly caught up and shit all over It like the Tories on the poor.

Apple’s brand is stronger than the government in Theresa May’s head, there’s no denying that, but for the last few years it’s definitely been a case of style over subtance. After all, why have 64gb of storage, a 5″ screen and a 15 mega pixel camera for £300, when you can get a 3″ screen, 32gb of storage and a 3 mega pixel camera for £750, with a wee fucking picture of an Apple of on the back?

Ok, I’m exaggerating like Paul Nutall in a television interview but you get my point. Flash twats with too much money buy Apple. I just don’t get it, but I shop at Matalan so what the fuck do I know?

iPhone fans are the type of twats who think Pizza Express is a nice place for a meal. “Er, ‘scuse me cunt. I just paid 20 quid for a margherita, can I trouble you for some fucking cheese on it?”.

They pay their fucking contracts off 6 months early so they can queue outside a shop for three days to buy the fucking interim model, expecting it to be somehow different from what they’ve already got in their pocket. I’ll tell you what’s different. The new model won’t turn to shite after the next IOS update.

What’s the difference between an iPhone 6 and an iPhone 6s? A fucking ‘s’ and 300 quid, you thick cunts.

The Selfservatives Cheered After Punishing Our Fire Fighters

“The cunt club on the wrong side of the house roared with happiness like a psychopath watching a baby drown to death.”

Like a room full of fucking Klingons celebrating an honourable death, this room full of cling-ons cheered their dishonourable ‘victory’ over Britain’s life savers. Yes, after voting to keep the public sector pay cap at 1% for the 8th year running, ensuring more misery for our Police, Nurses and Fire Fighters, The cunt club on the wrong side of the house roared with happiness like a psychopath watching a baby drown to death.

I don’t know if the 1% figure is a subliminal ‘fuck you’ as only 1% of people seem to actually benefit from these out of touch, money obsessed, uncaring, vicious bastards, ruling over us like fucking Nazi caricatures.

How dare Treeza stand there after every fucking tragedy, with her realistic human flesh mask manually contorted into a concerned expression, and praise our emergency services like she actually gives the tiniest of fucks about them.

Yes the Police did do an amazing job. Yes the Fire Fighters were excellent. Yes our nurses are fantastic. These are just hollow words though if you treat them like fucking robots. Your actions speak louder than your pathetic lip service, you tired old DUP pumper.

If you voted for this, strong and stable, more of the same, then I challenge you to defend the Tories voting down these proposals in the comments section. I genuinely want to see how any if it can be defended or justified.

House of Cards? More like House of Cunts

“The Tories and their new paid fuck buddies just voted down Labour proposals to end the public sector pay cap, and to employ extra police and fire fighters by a majority of just 14 cunts.”

The Tories and their new paid fuck buddies just voted down Labour proposals to end the public sector pay cap, and to employ extra police and fire fighters by a majority of just 14 cunts.

Idiots handbook, The Daily Express lead with the headline ‘VICTORY FOR MAY: Corbyn humiliated as MPs reject Labour bid to scrap public sector pay cap’ as the news broke. Has Corbyn really been humiliated?

Because from where I’m sitting the only people who’ve been humiliated are our hard working front line service employees, who’ve been fucked harder than a decapitated pigs head at an Eton party for the last seven years.

The recent terror attacks and the Grenfell Tower tragedy are a screaming indictment that austerity isn’t fucking working. How can terrorists go on TV and talk freely about their extremist views and not be monitored before committing an act? What the fuck did we throw all our rights away for Treeza? So that the Food Standards Agency can see which porn sites we’ve visited?

Cut after cut and failure after failure. Tower blocks literally built to burn, the homeless spiced out of their heads for a break from their shit existence, the army drafted in because the police are working 16 hour shifts and nurses relying on fucking food banks.

Welcome to Great Britain in 2017. We’re a fucking third world country, an embarrassment. The Tories have systematically ruined it then sold it off piece by piece to the highest bidder, and now they’ve literally just voted to not even try and fix it.

Has the pot ran dry? Because they’ve just managed to find a billion pounds to cling onto power by being propped up by a dubious entity, that most of the UK were unaware of just three fucking weeks ago, yet they can’t find the cash to give our life safers a decent standard of living.

Everyone who stood in that chamber tonight and went through the wrong door, in our archaic voting system, should hang their fucking heads in shame. They’re disgusting, greedy, parasitic bastards.

 

People think the earth is flat in 2017

“These are the same pricks who avoid tap water, deny the holocaust, treat themselves with homeopathy and think that the next iPhone will have a new feature.”

Since the 15th century its been generally accepted that the earth is spherical, yet the the idea of it being flat refuses to die like Rolf Harris, or the socks and sandals combo. Yes, in 2017, as we regress as a species quicker than an AA member having ‘just the one’ in a pub, this idea lingers and grows like an American with a pocket full of free burger vouchers in a McDonald’s.

The Flat Earth Society is actually a thing, and ironically it has members all around the globe. Hundreds of thousands of thick as pig shit, lobotomised, brain dead cunts who value a YouTube clip of a prick with a spirit level on an aeroplane, over hundreds of years of research from the greatest minds on the planet.

These are the same pricks who avoid tap water, deny the holocaust, treat themselves with homeopathy and think that the next iPhone will have a new feature. They’re more deluded than one of those 18 stone grandmothers you read about, who meets a 23 year old body builder in a far away land, marries him, then sells her house and sends the proceeds to his family only to never see the cunt again.

What did we expect in this post truth, alt fact, fucking ‘who needs experts’ utopia that we’ve created for ourselves? I don’t subscribe to the echo chambers theory. I think there are lots of groups, yes, who stay in their own little bubbles. But then I think there’s a massive majority of us, like minded people, silent in our horror, with perminant hand marks on our faces. We’re brow beaten, world weary and absolutely sick to the back teeth of stupid fucking cunts.

Inject your kids you neglectful cunts

“You’re worse than those religious nuts who let their children die of cancer, whilst they wait impatiently for a non existent God to fix it like some cosmic Jimmy Savile, only he fucks it instead, like some cosmic Jimmy Savile.”

Laughter is not the best medicine, nor is prayer or doing fuck all for that matter. Vaccination does not cause autism and even if it did, is that worse than dying of fucking measles contracted from a fucking birthday party you simple twats?

“Enjoy your jelly and ice cream Keanu because that’s your lot. See them spots on your face? That means you’re going to see Grandma soon up in heaven because mummy read up about the nasty injections on an American blokes website…..dont cry! 6 years is a good innings! At least you didn’t get autism.”

You shouldn’t be allowed children. You’re a fucking risk to them and any other child that they come into contact with. In fact, there’s so many deluded cunts spouting more bollocks than a coked up cabbie out there, that there should be a mandatory test before people can fuck.

You’re worse than those religious nuts who let their children die of cancer, whilst they wait impatiently for a non existent God to fix it like some cosmic Jimmy Savile, only he fucks it instead, like some cosmic Jimmy Savile.  At least those deluded cunts actually think their prayers will work. You just can’t be arsed going down the clinic “in case sumfink bad appens”

Ignorance isn’t bliss, It’s fucking scary. You weird cunts used to be on the fringes of society, sending your chain mail, practising your homeopathy and actually inviting in Jehovah’s Witnesses for a a wee chat. Then the internet happened, you actually have voices and can spread your ideas like fucking cyber AIDS, which, incidentally, you wouldn’t bother to fucking treat if it were a real affliction.

So. Log off fucking MumsNet, do a little research and book your kids in at the doctors in the morning you stupid, stupid bastards.