Scrooge visited by the ghost of Christmas past who advised him to capitalise on impending disaster
Ebenezer Scrooge was being a tight fisted twat of a boss today to his most loyal employee; poor old Bob Cratchit, who is employed on a zero hour contract.
Being in high Christmas spirits, Ebenezer slowly fell into a comfortable, deep slumber, and imagined poor Bob struggling to provide for his family.
Then, suddenly he was awaken by the ghost of Christmas past, Jacob Reese-Mogg, who, assisted by a quick slap from nanny, made him see sense.
“Don’t worry about Bob” he said.
“The gig economy is a generous mistress. If Mr. Cratchit is serious about providing for his disabled son, he simply needs to work harder.”
“With Brexit coming around the corner there will be loads of vacancies coming up in the strawberry fields, so don’t waste your time on the little people! Now, have you thought about getting in early on this health insurance racket? It’s incredibly ludicrous.”
JRM then disappeared into a puff of smoke leaving Ebenezer Scrooge to fall soundly back to sleep, safe in the knowledge that everything was going to be alright.
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