RSPCA called out due to influx of dead cats being thrown on tables
“Move along, nothing to see here, just a poorly child on a filthy hospital floor. Look over there at that hippy assaulting a pillar of society and give me your evidence, sorry phone.”
Apparently I just scrape into the ‘young’ category being 35 years of age when it comes to voting. I know right? What a load of shite.
If however, by the miracle of an Instagram or TikToc crash you’ve somehow stumbled your way into the bowels of stone age internet, and found yourself here, and you happen to be blessed with tight skin and the attention span of an amoeba, then well done you for making it this far.
Stop it! There’s no page 2. This isn’t a fucking quiz to determine which vegetable you are, just stick with me, ok?
Look, I’m trying my hardest not to patronise you (that’s when you talk down to someone) but it’s really fucking important that you keep reading.
You’ve registered to vote. Well fucking done you.
You have a once in a lifetime opportunity to invest in this country. To invest in your future so use your vote wisely and make sure you turn up.
If enough of you can can stop being offended on behalf of pan-sexual, non-binary, vegan Shetland sparrows long enough to get down to a booth, and enough pensioners slip on ice, we might just fucking wing this.
Come on! Let’s put these Tory cunts and their entourage of propagandists to bed once and for all. We can do this.
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