Man ‘attacked by bear’ actually just coming down from the sesh

Man ‘attacked by bear’ actually just coming down from the sesh

28th June 2019 Off By Tuckered

Alexander (last name unknown) found himself plastered all over the media yesterday, after a video of him emerged looking deader than Jeremy Hunt’s chances of becoming the next Prime Minister.

At first it was alleged he’d been attacked by a bear that kept him in a cave for a month to eat later.

However, it has now come to light that he is in fact just recovering from a massive session.

Cheslav Koslov, who was at the party said;

“We met Alexander at our local Shitolov. (Shitolov’s are like Russian Wetherspoons) He wasn’t with our group but he was off his tits and that was only around 3pm.”

“The bar staff tried chucking him out later on. We felt sorry for him and invited him back to the flat for a sesh.”

“The guy was a fucking animal. He smashed 2 litres or vodka like it was water, did 4g of charlie on his own, then started on the ket at about 4am. When we woke up he was gone.”

Although Alexander can’t remember much, doctors say that keeps asking for a Dominos pizza and lots of Lukozade.

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