Boris Johnson arrives a day late to the Channel 4 Tory leadership debate

Boris Johnson arrives a day late to the Channel 4 Tory leadership debate

17th June 2019 Off By Tuckered

Did you watch that pick the lesser cunt contest on Channel 4 last night?

Five Tory leadership hopefuls spending an hour telling us how shit everything is because of the government that they all actively serve in, and that if you give them another chance they’ll change things this time.

Fuck off. You’ve had a fucking decade to sort shit out but you just spaffed it up a wall.

In what universe is it ok for Jeremy Hunt, sorry Cunt, to inform us that the NHS needs investment, or for Gove to tell us education is important?

You’d better get in touch with Al then lads, and go back and put right what you once fucked up.

The most notable candidate was the empty lectern set up for an absent Boris Johnson, who was at home at the time enjoying a nice Chinese.

That lectern managed to tell fewer lies than Johnson and speak more truth than the prick has done in his whole career.

Gove employed all the classic tricks from the tossers handbook, looking directly at the camera and pin pointing important issues with his thumb and forefinger. Unfortunately it just looked like he was wanking off an invisible blade of grass.

Sajid ‘look at me I’m normal’ Javid spoke about his dog in the hope that you might have one too.

Hunt had the fixed smile of a man who’d set fire to an orphanage and got away with it.

Dominic Raab did a scarily accurate impression of a psychopathic Greg Davies on anti depressants.

And Rory Stewart strutted around like a man who doesn’t want to lead but needs to for the greater good. He’s the only one who came across as human, and, in my opinion was the clear winner.

Voting record aside, out of all of them he’s definitely the lesser evil.

Don’t get your hopes up though, as I write this Boris is lamenting Churchill and invoking imagery of steam engines and cricket on the green to an empty fucking room. He’s your new PM.

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