Tucker’s guide to the Tory leadership contenders: #2 Michael Gove

Tucker’s guide to the Tory leadership contenders: #2 Michael Gove

11th June 2019 Off By Tuckered

After a calamitous two years of failed Brexit negotiations and humiliation, the Conservative party finally managed to find Theresa May’s off switch.

This week I’ll be compiling a 10 part guide for each of the new Tory leadership contenders. In this installment we take a look at Micheal Gove.

Name: Michael Gove

aka: Pob, Jackie Chan, Sniffer

Appearance:

A blind child’s interpretation of Pinocchio carved out of Ye Olde Oake pork luncheon meat, from an audio description by a pissed up Brian Blessed.

Motivation:

His wife made him do it.

Policies:

Gove wants to end the career of anyone doing cocaine and send them to prison for seven years, as long as it isn’t him.

On Brexit, he’s not keen on crashing out and would welcome an extension of another year to get a better deal.

His other policies are basically to do the opposite of anything Boris suggests.

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