Tucker’s Guide to the Tory Leadership Contenders: #1 Boris Johnson

Tucker’s Guide to the Tory Leadership Contenders: #1 Boris Johnson

11th June 2019 Off By Tuckered

In a month or two we should have a shiny new Prime Minister. Remember though, just a couple of years ago Theresa May was deemed the best of the best, so it’s all down hill from here.

This week I’ll be compiling an 11 part guide for each of the contenders. First off the bat is Boris Johnston.

Name: Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson

aka: Bojo

Age: 54

Appearance:

He looks like a shaved ape involved in a Burton Menswear explosion.

Motivation:

Boris is a Cyberdyne Systems Political Infiltration Unit, Model 1-0-2.

With the exterior of a fluffy, bumbling clown, he can survive any interaction by stuttering and rubbing his head. This technique allows him to get away with mild racism and being a bit of a tosser.

Do not be fooled. Underneath his human skin there’s an endoskeleton that will stop at nothing to win. He can change his opinion quicker than me changing the channel when Love Island comes on.

He can’t be bargained with. He can’t be reasoned with. He doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And he absolutely will not stop, ever, until he’s our Prime Minister.

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