Only Man To Successfully Complete Dry January ‘Hurled Himself Off Bridge Before Local Off-License Opened’
Kevin Drinkwater, from Frome, was sadly pronounced dead at 7:45 this morning after jumping from a motorway bridge.
Nida, his distraight wife of 8 years said;
“He was attempting Dry January, he’d done so well and couldn’t wait to treat himself to a nice bottle of red, but unfortunately our cat knocked it off the kitchen surface last night”.
“He woke up at around 6am and was livid when he found out, he then set off to the shop, but sadly he never made it”.
Bill Fairclough, a lorry driver who witnessed the tragedy unfold said;
“It’s heart breaking, the selfish twat has put me back at least 2 hours on my drop-offs. I got some cool pictures for Facebook though”.
The motorway has now been closed off causing chaos and massive travel disruption in the region.
Mr. Drinkwater leaves behind a loving wife, two beautiful children, and a mangy cunt of a moggy.
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