Thousands of parents preparing to encourage their children to talk to and accept sweets off strangers

Thousands of parents preparing to encourage their children to talk to and accept sweets off strangers

31st October 2018 0 By Tuckered

For 364 days of the year you tell your kids not to talk to strangers, or to take sweets off them.

Not tonight though!

Like everything we import from America, from obesity, to over sharing, to diabetes, we’ve gone too far with Halloween.

Yes, I know it was ours first but we didn’t really give a fuck about it until Walmart bought Asda.

The only plus about it is that it puts people off celebrating fucking Christmas for another fortnight, and I’ll take dancing skeletons and cackling witches over Noddy fucking Holder any day.

You can’t move now for this shit now. There’s more orange vegetables in our super market aisles than there were on US Presidential campaign posters in 2016.

You can buy literally anything!

When I was a kid before we were all binary, tri sexua,l vegans, you had two dress up choices;

Boy: black bin bag, vampire teeth, and or shit mask from the corner shop.

Girl: black bin bag, glow in the dark witch fingers and a shit hat from the corner shop.

Super markets sold fuck all back then, they were above all that. You couldn’t even get pumpkin soup let alone fake blood.

If you went trick or treating 15 years ago you were called a cheeky twat and given a hand full of fuck off copper.

Now we’re expected to have more sweets than Gary Glitter’s glove box ready for the little bastards two weeks before the fucking day!

I can tell you, it’s a fucking chore injecting all those Haribos with Cyanide.

Even the yanks don’t celebrate this shit for a month. It’s time we fucked it off and started celebrating bonfire night properly again.

Guy Fawkes needs updating though, and there’s no lack of inspiration for effigies I’d happily burn in the current climate.

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