Hologram of Margaret Thatcher to headline at the Tory conference
Do you remember the old Toys ‘R’ Us advert?
Sing along then: ‘There’s millions of bastards all under one roof, they’re called Tory toffs.’
Yes, it’s that time of year again, the Conservative conference, and I can barely contain my excitement.
It’s a bit like the Labour one but with no people.
And instead of debating policy, sharing ideas, and making decisions, they basically just stab each other in the back.
If you’ve not been following it, so far it’s just been a stream of senior Tories calling Boris Johnson a cunt, in front of 5 pensioners and the lady who makes the tea.
Today, however, was a little different. People queued around the block to witness Boris Johnson slag off Jeremy Corbyn and Theresa May.
In fact, I’ve not seen that many parasites together since my dog shat out a cluster of worms.
That wasn’t even the highlight of the event!
This year, as a special treat, the Conservatives have apparently splashed out on the amazing technology previously used to revive such legends as Tupac Shakur and Freddie Mercury.
Yes, tomorrow a glowing spectre will hover above the stage and introduce Margaret Thatcher in hologram form, before doing an awkward dance, mumbling some shit about being strong and stable, then fucking off.
It is not yet known what the revived Thatcher will give her speech on yet, but the bookies favourite is Theresa May’s Chequers deal, in a last ditch attempt to get some cunt to to like it.
Holo-Thatch will be voiced by Steve Nallon, who previously played her on Slitting Image, however, his agent said he’s not been allowed to see the speech yet.