Millions of dick heads can’t wait to spend a grand on an ‘s’

Millions of dick heads can’t wait to spend a grand on an ‘s’

12th September 2018 0 By Tuckered

It’s nearly that time again when Apple prepares to release its annual smart phone for thick people.

We don’t know for sure which features they’ll remove for ‘ease’ this time in return for a little ‘s’ yet.

But you can bet your bottom dollar they’ll introduce some shit like ‘Apple Charge’, where you can charge your iPhone up slightly quicker for a small fee of 20 quid a month.

“It’s so convenient” the fan boys will declare with glee as they set up their direct debits whilst wiping their arses with 50 pound notes.

And the poor tossers who fancied a change from Android last year and bought the iPhone X instead of their usual Samsung Galaxy, but can’t afford to buy out their contract for an early upgrade, will be left miffed as fuck next week when the new IOS update turns their beloved handset into a fucking 3310 with shit battery life.

And no. I’m not fucking jealous of your choice to be arse raped by a massive corporation for a phone which is almost as good as mine but costs 200 quid more.

Although I do see how you can be seduced by shiny new things, I mean, I was getting all excited about the new Samsung Galaxy Note 9 the other day and that’s basically the same phone as what I have now but the pen is fucking yellow.

What was I thinking? What is anyone thinking? I paid considerably less than a grand for my last tv yet I expect it to last way longer than 18 cunting months.

If  for some insane reason you actually like this shite then please consider a small donation (or a fucking massive one if you're rich). Facebook have killed the reach of my page and as a result I make bugger all, plus borderline alcoholism is quite expensive.

Donate with PayPal here

-----------