Long gone are the days of getting shit faced before selecting a 4 minute mate at a 2am cattle market.
In a time before Tinder, smart phones, and social justice, even the most repulsive of us could get a guaranteed fuck.
Back then taxi drivers made all their money at 6:30am on a Saturday, as millions of us woke up next to a fully grown Babe, a sight which, unless you were destined to be a future Prime Minister, would turn your stomach.
There was no Uber, no GPS, and subsequently no way to silently type for a rescue vehicle, or magically know where you even were.
You had to wake the fucker up, engage in pleasantries and try and piece together what got you both into this mess, before having a brew, pretending to exchange numbers and finally phoning a taxi then waiting in uncomfortable silence for it.
You both knew the score, it wasn’t nefarious. It wasn’t non-consensual, and it certainly wasn’t rape.
You both, with your respective mates, went out to get fucked up in more ways than one.
We called it youth and it was fun.
Times have changed though, lots. We were more innocent back then, maybe to the point of naivety.
It’s just not the same now. I’m sure one night stands still happen, at least I hope they do, but the whole dating game is unrecognisable.
Well it is to me anyway, I’ve not played it since people started deciding whether you’re fuck worthy in 1.5 seconds, before swiping you into obscurity. I don’t stand a chance.
The point is that those hot sweaty hormone bunkers aren’t here anymore, well they are, but you don’t have to all be out by 2am.
Everyone is on a different level, they haven’t all been drinking since 7pm knowing there’s a definite end to the night, some bought a litre bottle of Aldi vodka and smashed it at 11pm before going clubbing. The communal code is dead.
As a result, times are harder. I genuinely feel sorry for young people.
I’m not suggesting that all young men are confused predators mis-reading signals, or that all young women will cry rape if they wake up next to a munter, but it does seem that we’re headed to a place where proof is king.
I hope it doesn’t come to that, to contracts, or covert audio recordings to engage in sex, but just be careful, employ some common sense, and look after each other.