Brexiter forced to trade his daughter for a Fray Bentos pie still insists it’s all just scaremongering

Brexiter forced to trade his daughter for a Fray Bentos pie still insists it’s all just scaremongering

30th July 2018 0 By Tuckered

Back in the heady pre Brexit days of 2018 I’d be writing this on an Android app called ColorNote, ready to upload to my Facebook page, completely unaware that electricity is, in fact, a luxury.

And as the Chinook swarm above and the last car alarm in the distance finally dies leaving a gaping auditory void, I look down upon my quill of rat faeces poised above my parchment of Daily Express, with a defiant and mocking Farage grinning back at me with those all knowing slits emblazoned upon its cover.

I hope the cockroach gruel queue isn’t too long tomorrow, fair play to the government though before it collapsed like an ‘Are You Being Served?’ story line under the slightest bit of scrutiny, they said there would be adequate food and there is.

Most of the people round here are still unbelievably in denial, like my neighbour Geoff, an ardent Brexiter, still steadfast in his view that we’ll somehow prevail.

He swapped his daughter last night for 50 grams of Amber Leaf rolling tobacco, 2 Jaffa Cakes, and a tinned Steak and Kidney Fray Bentos pie.

“I’ll be eating like a king” he derided.

“Just as soon as Herr Barnier realises the error of his ways and turns our bloody gas back on.

It’s just scaremongering you know, all this will blow over.”

He assured me his daughter was in good hands and that the transaction was only temporary, to strengthen like minded blood lines, not an actual sacrifice to the Tommy Robinson martyr like with his son last year.

In a way I’m envious of his pig headed reluctance to accept what’s right in front of us. Ignorance really is bliss, more so now than ever.

I hope one day someone will get to read this snippet from a weary remoaner, but for now, as my soap candle pops and crackles its last, I must retire and bolt the doors before the death squads arrive.


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