‘He didn’t like my submarine so he must be a nonce, I even saw him with kids!’

‘He didn’t like my submarine so he must be a nonce, I even saw him with kids!’

16th July 2018 0 By Tuckered

Fuck you Elon, you were supposed to be our real-life Tony Stark.

You’re a wedged, batshit crazy genius, so it could have gone either of two ways:

1. You’re a Bond villain holding the world to ransom.

2. You’re our saviour, propelling humanity forward in a time when we’re hurting backwards to 1939 quicker than James Cordon to praise, or a cake.

I was hoping it was going to be number 2, what with your magic cars that run on pixie dust, and your unicorn piss powered rockets.

Like every other mad billionaire though, you managed to disappoint by being somewhere in the middle.

Not the saviour of humankind, nor an evil genius, just a typical petty, vanilla prick.

Last night my opinion of you dropped quicker than a Tory poll rating, you went from hero to zero in the time that it takes to read a fucking headline.

We get it you shit Ben Affleck, you wanted to help the cave kids, we all did but most of us tried by saying ‘aw’ because we can’t dive and we’re all skint.

You, however, had both the means and the cash to really try and help, fair play, but like Micheal Gove two years ago, you didn’t need experts, and look where that fucking got us.

You couldn’t just take the criticism, could you?

You couldn’t accept that when the guy actually swimming in that cave network says the gaps are too small for a 6ft long, rigid object (not you, the submarine) that he might be telling fucking the truth.

On what basis are you calling him a ‘pedo’, because he wanted to help the kids?

In that case what was your real motivation then, to show off your latest toy?

Is that why you spat your dummy out because you weren’t allowed to play?

Grow up you fucking Trump supporting twat. The kids who were trapped in that cave are more adult than you’ll ever be.

And you’re named after shit pound shop deodorant, you cunt.



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