Millions of unemployed Brits complaining St. George’s Day isn’t a national holiday

“The weathers not even fucking nice” they’ll seethe. “I bet it’s fucking sunny for Eid.”

Millions of jobless Brits will wake up around noon today, absolutely outraged that working people don’t get the day off as they tune into Jeremy Kyle on Plus 1.

“The weathers not even fucking nice” they’ll seethe. “I bet it’s fucking sunny for Eid.”

The complaining won’t end there either, they’ll whinge that Barry from number 34 “hasn’t even put his fuckin’ flag up” because “he’s a immigunt lovin Queen hating traytor.”

After painting their faces red and white they’ll go and celebrate down the pub, bemoaning the lack of people not getting shit faced for queen and country.

“They’re all be out on Paddy’s day” they’ll cry, and they’ll be right, because on Paddy’s day you get those novelty Guinness hats after six pints.

What do you get when you go out on St. George’s Day? A racist lecture and glassed if you’re not wearing an England flag as a cape. Fuck that, I know which one I’d choose.

Manc bird tells Charles he doesn’t look like he’s from Earth

Manc bird tells Charles he doesn’t look like he’s from Earth

Who’d have thought that the son of Britain’s favourite rascist is also a bit of a cunt?

Yes, Charlie boy, still on a  high from his recent  promotion to Chief Ribbon cutter in Bongo Bongo land, made a ‘gaffe’ (when it’s a Royal it’s a gaffe, when it’s a subject you’re a rascist twat) by insulting Anita Sethi.

He asked Ms. Sethi where she was from and when she replied with ‘Manchester’ he allegedly quipped:  “Well, you don’t look like it!” before laughing and walking off.

You get it? It’s hilarious, more of a visual gag you see, because she has darker skin. I didn’t quite do it justice, we need someone like Jim Davidson to explain the intricacies of it  really, but it it is funny, honest.

Anyway, I digress, with the scandal engulfing the UK right now about how we treat our citizens, this just highlights that the Royals are out of touch cockroaches and should be abolished.

Eastenders fans up in arms as Patrick Trueman faces DEPORTATION

We’re talking about proud Brits here, assured by the state of their status in return for their invaluable contribution. The so called Windrush generation have done more than most natives to earn that privilege.

That’s a ridiculous headline and an even more ridiculous story line, even for the hammy misery of the BBC’s most depressing soap, you’d think. Not in reality though, not in Britain in 2018.

What the fuck is going on? People that we begged to help us over 50 years ago, to assist in rebuilding our war torn country, who have grafted like bastards, raised families and paid taxes all their lives are now being treated like they’ve just arrived hidden in the back of a fucking lorry from Calais.

We’re talking about proud Brits here, assured by the state of their status in return for their invaluable contribution. The so called Windrush generation have done more than most natives to earn that privilege.

They may be / had been proud Brits but right now I’m not. What this government have done is abhorrent, it’s not only an insult but a complete betrayal.

How would you feel if your grandparents were worrying about if they’re still eligible for state pension after a lifetime of work, or free NHS treatment, or the right to stay in their own fucking country for that matter?

I hate people labelling right wing politicians as Nazis, it’s lazy and usually a massive over reaction, however, if I wasn’t convinced complete incompetence was to blame for this shambles I’d happily use the term myself right now.

Administration errors, lost papers, fuckwits running departments, whatever, it just doesn’t cut it, neither do excuses or apologies.

These cunts are not fit to govern and I don’t know how many more times we’re going to simply roll over and allow them to cross that line time and time again.

Government to tackle London crime epidemic with cardboard Police Officers

‘It works in Poundland’

You are now more likely to get stabbed to death in London than you are to find 10p in your coat pocket, which is an absolute statistical certainty. Probably.

Breitbart ‘News’ and Britain’s favourite micro racist, Tommy Robinson, are adamant that the sharp increase in violent crime falls solely on the shoulders of London Mayor, Sadiq Khan, probably because he’s brown an that.

However, they fail to take into account the massive cuts that the Tories have imposed on the Police Force, resulting in a loss of 20,000 Police Officers.

“It’s easier with terrorism.” said a government spokescunt.

“We just wheel in the army for that shit and everyone thinks we know what we’re doing. Unfortunately you can’t call them everytime a 13 year old gets all stab happy with his gran’s bread knife though.”

So far many options have been tabled in Parliament from, you know, actually funding the Police, to making everyone wear see-through clothing so knives are visible and people can just run away.

The decision to install 100,000 cardboard cut-outs of Police Officers accross the city was finally reached late last night, with the majority of MP’s agreeing that this is the most cost effective option citing the schemes success in Poundland stores.

I thought I was voting for a fairer society but it turns out I was wrong

On August 23, 2016, my support for Mr. Corbyn was crushed like a Chaser’s deck chair. He betrayed me and thousands of his followers by sitting on the floor of a train.

At first Jeremy Corbyn seemed like a breath of fresh air, different from all the other soundbite spouting suit wankers.

Here was a man who stood out as well as standing up for people without a voice. A man who actually answered questions seemingly without an agenda, in his own words, and in all his resplendent corduroy glory.

He cared as much about self image as a fat lass in leggings. The only thing that seemed to matter to him were the less fortunate.

‘This is a man I can get behind’ I thought. Finally a representative with proper Socialist values, and so, like Domino’s on a Saturday night, he got my vote.

Then the trouble started and I began to doubt my allegiance.

First there was an attempted coup: A scruffy haggered woman told us Corbyn was not fit to lead a conga line, let alone Labour and so put herself up for party leadership. I wasn’t fully convinced by this however and so continued with my support for him.

Then a smartly dressed Welsh man told us the same. He was a like Tony Blair before he sold his soul and also didn’t really appeal to me.

Then, on August 23, 2016, my support for Mr. Corbyn was crushed like a Chaser’s deck chair. He betrayed me and thousands of his followers by sitting on the floor of a train.

From there things escalated very quickly. There were pictures of him stood next to people, someone said he might have been a spy once.

It just got worse. He liked a murial on social media, failed to condemn everything bad that’s happened in the world since the dawn of time, asked for evidence before starting a war, and then hr finally showed his true antisemitic roots by celebrating Passover with Jewish people.

The final nail in the coffin for me came today though, after famous human rights activist, environmentalist and champion of the poor, Lord Alan Sugar condemned Mr. Corbyn.

After all, how could I still support this animal after a man of such standing and respect said he can’t?

Stop pretending you’re pregnant on April Fool’s day because it’s a SHIT joke

You’re evolved beings, masters in the art of silent communication, body language, tone and infliction, so use it! If it didn’t sound like someone was trying to be offensive then they probably fucking weren’t.

Another day, another new thing to be offended by. This time it’s pretending you’re pregnant because it upsets some people.

Big fucking deal, people also pretend they’ve proposed to their significant others too. I’m single and desperately fucking lonely but do you hear me kicking off because someone’s pretending to get married do you?

No, all you hear from me is quiet weeping into a pillow. Should we ban fucking Valentine’s day as well because it pisses loners and singletons off?

You shouldn’t pretend you’re pregnant, not because it’s offensive but because it’s shit. That joke makes ‘why did the chicken cross road?’ told by Bernard Manning look fresh for fuck’s sake.

The bottom line is this: Some people say stuff sometimes and you might take offence. If it wasn’t offered however, then you’re the one with the problem.

People shouldn’t have to know your full life story in order to avoid saying something which may cause you to get upset.

You’re evolved fucking beings, masters in the art of silent communication, body language, tone and infliction. Use it for Christ’s sake.

If a person didn’t sound like they were trying to be offensive then they probably fucking weren’t.