With a wink, a nose tap and a smirk, President Putin denies ordering the deaths of any ex spies, or exiled oligarchs, before the upcoming election in which he’ll be running against himself again.
As suspicions mount over Russia, the government have threatened sanctions and a withdrawal of Royals from the world cup.
“Oooooh. I’m quaking in my boots.” Putin allegedly said whilst stroking the largest nuclear weapon in the world, no, not Kim Jong Un, an actual missile.
Come on! No Royals at some football. Do we really think he’s going to lose sleep over that? And what are we sanctioning exactly, Bovril exports?
I’m sure that would make him cry into his OXO filled mug as switches off our fucking gas.
Can we just have a rest from poking the beehive with a big stick for a bit? I’m not condoning the actions of Russia by any means, but when you’re a solitary four year old you can’t punish a class of fucking sixth formers.