Month: January 2018

I’ve read some ignorant shit on the internet today from people showing pictures of different death toll figures from each Concentration camp to ‘prove’ that 6 million Jews weren’t slaughtered in the Holocaust, to outright denial and people labelling it Israeli propaganda!

Someone even asked “why aren’t we remembering all the deaths from Communism”. A brilliant question, on literally any other fucking day but this one.

I shouldn’t be shocked by the stupidity of people anymore, not after the last two years, but the comments I’ve seen are beyond belief.

Someone actually wrote; “You don’t have to listen to stories from decades ago… just go to Palestine and see how the Israelis treat the Palestinians… The Israeli hypocrite state loves crying victim”

Before I dissect that, what really worries me is that it got 35 positive reactions in half an hour. Mostly likes, a couple of hearts and two laughing emoji’s. What the fuck is wrong with people?

You may not agree with what’s happening in Palestine and that’s fine. Criticise Israel, protest, stop buying their products, but don’t trivualise the holocaust for cheap political point scoring.

How dare people compare the two. How dare they belittle and mock the memory and suffering of the millions of Jews, gays, political opponents, Russians, Polish, Romany gypsies and anyone else I’ve missed, who perished or survived in those human meat processing plants.

This mechanised evil on a scale the likes of which we should never see again, should be indelibly tattooed on our collective phyche like the serial numbers on the victims arms.

This should never be allowed to happen again, if we’re careful. Although the way humanity is heading, I don’t think even this stark warning from the annals of history could protect us anymore.

Depression is like a black hole. It sucks everything out of you like a Blackburn whore, including any light, leaving nothing but darkness, futility and a sense of foreboding. It’s basically an episode of Last of the Summer Wine.

I’ve suffered with it for as long as I can remember and it chips away at you bit by bit like Chinese water torture, or 24/7 BBC News coverage of Nigel Farage to 52% of the population. Eventually you give in and lose all reasoning.

You despise being so lonely but the thought of actually talking to anyone or reaching out for help makes you physically sick. You hate being dependant on food or booze but they’re the only things worth getting out of bed for. It’s fucked.

You want to change things, you really do, but that tiny nagging voice has rented out the main stage in your head and it’s turned the amp up to 11.

You know the things you want to change to make you happier but you can’t prioritise them. The voice just bombards you all day with everything that’s wrong in your life all at the same time;

“Lose weight you fat cunt.”

“Make an effort with your friends or make new ones.”

“Find another job.”

“Curb your drinking.”

“Move house.”

“Get on Tinder and find love.”

“You won’t because you’re useless, just lie in bed like you always do.”

It overwhelms you. It dominates you until you can no longer think of a positive, just the constant stream of everything that’s shit in your life and it renders you incapable of changing it thereby making it worse. It sucks out your soul.

Some people try counselling, others anti depressants. I’ve tried the latter several times and I can’t stick with them. The first time I thought everything was groovy until a close friend told me I wasn’t me anymore and the illusion scattered like a Brexit bus promise.

The second time I ate like a pig and didn’t give s fuck because “I was happy”. So happy that I couldn’t write anything, I was devoid of creativity like a Tory Arts Minister.

There’s no point to this other than that I’m feeling fucking shite about my my life and myself. I don’t have any answers but I did want to describe what depression feels like.

Peace out and fuckity bye.

Yes, your figit spinning, bottle flipping, dabbing little dullards have managed to put down their rectangular reality viewers for a few seconds in order to fucking poison themselves, because after all, washing machine pods are shiny, colourful and cool, right?

Kids today are thick as fuck, but what do you expect when their parents are Trump voting, spherical earth denying, vaccine rejecting morons?

Humanity hit it’s pinnacle a long time ago and now we’re living through its slow and painful demise. We’re all fucked because intelligence isn’t cool. Televised shagging on an island is.

People are actually blaming the manufacturers of these pods because of the appearance, well I’m sorry but if your 12 year old thinks they’re edible because they’re pretty, then you’re a shit fucking parent who has failed miserably.

Make bleach bright fucking purple and taste of blackcurrant for all I care, it’s about time society had a good fucking thinning out of the terminally fucking stupid.

Thomas Jefferson drafted the Declaration of Independence, Abraham Lincoln lifted the shackles of slavery, and Donald Trump will be remembered for the nuclear war and allowing newsreaders to say ‘shithole’ on national television.

Yes, news anchors and reporters accross the globe latched onto their new found freedom yesterday,  like that weirdo loaner latched onto you at the bar last night after you stupidly made eye contact.

There were more ‘shitholes’ about than in a university hall of residence and it took them all their might to not use ‘fucking’ and ‘dick head’ when also referring to the President.

All that could soon change though after an expert from some shithole said;

“It’s only a matter of time before someone accuses Trump of calling his voters thick cunts and when that happens the paradigm will shift again.”

He continued; “This linguistic freedom can take decades or even centuries to spread accross a society, but at the current rate of scandals I predict newsreaders will be cunting about as early as next week.”

President Trump has denied everything he’s ever been of accused of ever.

President Trump has cancelled his scheduled visit to the UK to open the new American Embassy in London.

Incorrectly citing anger at the Obama Administration for the letting the old site go for ‘peanuts’ in a deranged Twitter rant, many think he was actually worried about the planned protests on the day.

However, sources close to the President have revealed different reasons for his sudden change of heart;

“He couldn’t wait” said one aide.

“He was skipping around The Oval Office talking about how cool it was going to be meeting the King and Stephen Hawk Wind.”

President Trump was then informed about the ribbon cutting ceremony.

“He was calm and going along with everything until someone mentioned the giant scissors. It was at that point he lost his shit and started screaming about having normal hands but how the scissors would make them look small and everyone would say mean things.” Said another.

The President was then offered a normal pair of scissors but he’d already Skyped Theresa May telling her to ‘stick the stupid building up her ass’ before retiring to his room with his phone and 5 Big Macs.

I couldn’t care less if that orange man baby visits London or not to be honest. If he doesn’t then great, it’s just one less mysogonistic racist thug the Tories will probably try and assimilate into their collective anyway.

If he does on the other hand then that’s also good. We can call him a cunt to his face. Either way, its a non event.

He’s using the excuse that the sale of the previous embassy was a ‘bad deal’. If the prick had more intelligence than an amoeba then I might consider that a veiled trade deal threat. He’s not that clever though.

Of course he’s blaming the Obama Administration, even though the shit deal was signed off by his own party, headed by, in comparison to Trump, that amazing Statesman President Bush.

Nevermind, I’m sure there’s a retired PG Tips ape knocking about who would be happy to cut a ribbon and fling his own shit around instead.

Nigel Farage has called for a second EU referendum to shut up all those pesky remoaners and put the debate to rest once and for all for a generation, because if the boot were on the other foot and he was on the losing side, I’m sure he’d have accepted the will of the people and never spoke of Brexit again.

On the surface this is a seemingly magnanimous offer from the shifty eyed, Pole provoking, toad gurner. But is it really that simple, that black and white, is he really as confident for a second win as he’s making out?

I find it odd that for months he has been (quite rightly) defending democracy and the will of the people. However much I myself disagree with the final decision, it has been made. After all, this isn’t best of three.

So why now, so recently after meeting the EU’s top Brexit negotiator, Michel Barnier, has he decided to give credence to the views of the likes of Tony Blair and Nick Clegg? He doesn’t need to. He won, they lost and should get over it, a rhetoric he’s been repeating for 12 months.

It begs the question, what has he learned? It’s a surprising change of tune for Farage. Have his eyes been opened, or does he now realise what a massive clusterfuck Brexit is going to be for the UK?

Who knows? It will be interesting to see what comes out if his mouth over the next few days and weeks though. Farage may be over confident but an idiot he is not.

Speaking of recycled mugs, a picture of one holding a plastic cup is dominating the news. Yes, Michael Gove entered parliament holding one. Praise the fucking lord.

The melted Pob has been showing off his re-usable cup like a pup with an erection, as he talks about government plans to introduce a 25p tax on disposable ones to reduce plastic wastage.

Usually I’d be outaged about tax hikes for the majority, but let’s face it, if you’re going to spend 4 quid on a brew you probably fucking deserve it, and after all, the 5p bag tax is working. This really isn’t something to moan about.

Unless you look at the state of the country that is; local councils considering fining homeless people as they literally die in the street, and nurses forced to treat patients in fucking car parks. I’m sorry but plastic island can afford to grow a bit more. It can get its own airport for all I care. We have shit to prioritise.

I’m all for the environment don’t get me wrong, but sometimes I ask myself if turning the bathroom light out is really making a huge difference when China are burning millions of tonnes worth of coal?

This is just another shitty government diversion tactic. A northen motorway forrest, a sugar tax. Fucking free schools.

How much more of this bullshit are we going to take? This shower of absolute entitled cunts have turned our by no means green and pleasant land into a third world shit hole and a global embarrassment.

We were never perfect granted, but we didn’t used to have to consider food banks with our weekly grocery shop. We didn’t have to navigate dead homeless people, and winter didn’t bring the NHS to a grinding fucking holt.

What the fuck is happening and why are we so complacent? Take your mug Gove, and stick it up your smarmy, self satisfied arse hole, you boggle eyed prick.

Apparently Theresa May is still in charge of the country, after ‘reshuffling’ her cabinet with all the grace of a Parkinson’s diseas suffering magician shuffling a deck of cards.

She’s like a shit David Brent, walking around the office politely asking if people wouldn’t mind stepping down or trying something different, only to be told to fuck off.

What is the point of this woman? Time and time again she’s proven that she’s about as much use as a fucking blue passport. She’s inept, pointless. An embarrassment.

Yesterday she should’ve reshuffled herself out of the job, although then we’d probably end up with a even bigger prick. Call an election Treeza, you can do it! So strong, so stable.

He’s right you know, they do everything better in Oldham, Bury or Royston Vasey than in Rochdale, especially when it comes to Rochdale Council who couldn’t organise an ejaculation in a brothel.

You know a town is on its arse when McDonald’s leaves, or a least you should. Even Burnley has a Maccie D’s. After that businesses started pulling out faster than a Catholic bloke with 5 kids.

So how did the council resolve to fix things? Well it wasn’t via a spat about hair cuts, that came much later.

Firstly they filled every available space with bookmakers, pawn brokers and charity shops. A typical day out for Rochdalians involves pawning your nan’s jewellery, losing the money you got in the bookies, then buying a second hand shirt from the British Heart Foundation to replace the one snatched from your back.

Yes Rochdale is a dystopian nightmare, sort of like a Brexit warning to the rest of the UK, but at least we have a nice town hall.

Then the council decided to regenerate the area by opening up a river which had been covered up for decades, instantly resulting in mass flooding causing tens of pounds worth of damage in the centre.

Not content with two empty shopping centres, the council now plans to build a third at a cost of £70m which includes a six-screen Reel cinema and 24 shops and restaurants. M&S and Next had already signed up.

The trouble is, M&S, who are already based in Rochdale have since pulled out with the project still going ahead. 70 million quid is a lot of money for one shop, a cinema and tonnes of empty space.

What can you expect though from a council who self indulgenty built themselves offices which make The White House look like a garden shed, took a busy market and turned it into a few shanty stalls and gave themselves a 35% pay rise whilst trying to fine homeless people and ban swearing.

What’s the fine, a doc end? And why are they trying to ban swearing, is it so you don’t hear everyone walking around talking about what shit hole Rochdale has become?