Tuckered

Apart from the summer solstice, Royal Ascot, The Queens speech, and something called the fucking Day of Rage. Come On! I’m all for peaceful protest but that sounds like it’s going to be about as calm as Nigel Farage being introduced to his new Polish neighbours.

I know there’s anger right now. Real, heated, palpable anger. The type of anger you only feel after talking to fucking ‘John Smith’ for 3 hours on Sky’s ironically named helpline. The standing on a piece of Lego, white heat, fucking red mist rage that this incompetent, poor hating, shower of cunts of a government induces.

But this protest must remain just that. A protest. If this descends into a fucking grab a TV free for all, then you’ve fucking lost that argument quicker than Paul Nutall changes his fucking home town.

Smashing the fuck out of a local family run accountancy firm and trashing some innocent cunt’s ‘nice car’ isn’t holding the government to account. It’s just pissing your fellow city dwellers off.

That fucking walking scarecrow, Boris, is more excited about using those water cannons than David Cameron at a fucking petting zoo. Don’t give the warbling plum stutterer an excuse.

So. March. Chant. Wave your fucking signs and unite. Grow and swell like Micheal Gove’s head after being re-appointed to cabinet. Go back every fucking day if you have until someone fucker listens but please give the boys in blue, our fire fighters and our ambulance service a fucking rest today. They’ve had enough shit to deal with.

Just imagine if the day after the Manchester attack you buttered your toast, made your morning brew, then tuned in for your daily dose of Britain’s favourite voicemail enthusiast and big toe impersonator, Piers Morgan, to see what he was getting faux outraged about this morning.

Then imagine that sat on the sofa next to him was extreminst hate preacher Anjem Choudary, who’d been Tweeting the night before that girls often go to gigs in unsuitable clothing (in this hypothetical situation). You’d be more fucking outraged than Theresa May having to make eye contact with a member of the public.

People would be up in arms. The complaints line would fucking melt like Diane Abbott in a maths quiz. Fucking pitch fork sales would go through the roof and The Daily Mail would explode in a fit of ‘moral’ outrage like a vegan who’s just found out Haribos are cow based.

So why is it when Muslims are mown down by some alcoholic gobshite, who probably wasted his shit excuse for a life reading the Facebook pages of Britain First and The EDL, do we have an extremist, right wing, fanatical hyper cunt on breakfast television, spreading his bile filled, hate ridden bullshit as if he’s delivering a fucking pottery segment? As if this is the most normal thing in the world?

I don’t care if that pound land Farage, Piers, did grill him. I wouldn’t have cared if he punched the cunt in his divisive, hate inciting smug fucking face.

No extremists should have a platform, Islamist or Far Right, especially in front of millions of viewers. We need to starve the flames of hatred from oxygen and cut out this cancer from our society. If we don’t, how will this madness ever end?

Another day and another cunt goes out of his way to take the lives of innocents for a warped agenda. Is he mentally unhinged? Well of course he is, he’s white isn’t he?

He’s a fucking terrorist and he’s mentally unwell. They all are. It’s not normal to mow people down, go on a stabbing frenzy or blow yourself up. Regardless of your ‘reasoning’.

I don’t don’t do prayers but my heart goes out to the victims, a statement which sadly has become a cliche of late. It just sounds less sincere the more it’s uttered.

The scum press of course were circling the tragedy like the vultures they are with The Fail Online leading with;

“White van driver injures at least 10 people after ploughing into a crowd outside London’s Finsbury Park Mosque where hate cleric Abu Hamza once preached as Muslims finish their evening prayers”

Which was quickly changed after (I’m assuming) they realised that not referring to the occurrence as the terrorist attack which it so clearly was, and mentioning the unrelated Abu Hamza, may have come across as just a tad racist and hate inciting?

Yes, for a second, their thinly veiled facade as a reputable news source slipped away like cheap tower block cladding, revealing once again the disgusting, divisive, poison pumping shit rag we all know them to be.

Never take one of their ‘articles’ on face value. They’re loaded with agenda pushing buzz words designed to take you off guard. Sometimes it’s not so subtle, but other times it’s a master class in the dark art of propaganda.

Today we shall mourn, pick ourselves up, brush ourselves off and unite once again, as we have done for countless weeks now. It seems to me that terrorists want a war and that some publications just love to throw fuel on that notion.

Well fuck them both.

 

Well cheers for that priceless insight Pammy. We really needed fucking input from the inspiration behind a now defunct cola bottle design

The likes of Andrew Neil, Robert Peston and a wealth of other political commentators just couldn’t have summed it up as well as you.

Should we judge Theresa on her short lived, yet appalling record or as PM? A woman who’s more out of touch than a fingerless dwarf? Who arrogantly assumed she’d win an election by a slideslide so much so, that she couldn’t be arsed even campaigning? A woman terrified of catching poor from the general public? No. Of course not.

We should reserve opinion until a 30% plastic, ex soft core porn star from the US decides to stick her oar in where it’s more welcome than a Poski Sklep in Nigel Farage’s home town.

I’m sure your time on Bay Watch gave you a phenomenal insight into the social and economic intricacies of a UK democracy, after all, your co-star, ‘The Hoff’, single handedly dismantled the fucking Berlin wall didn’t he?

Look. We can all the call the PM shit because she ours. Like a distant relative we don’t really like though, she’s still family and we’ll defend family to the death. You’re not even a family friend, so fuck off you vacuous cunt.

I’m sick of political commentators telling us to stop politicising this tragedy. If this isn’t political then what it? I don’t care if makes those in charge squirm like maggots in rotting meat. Questions needs answering and arrests need to be made. Now.

Phillip Hammond said today that he believes that the cladding used on Grenfell Tower is also banned in the UK as well as Europe and the US. So how the fuck was this allowed to happen? Someone is accountable and heads need to roll.

At the very best this tragedy was a horrific mistake. At the very worse it was a cost cutting exercise that put profit before people. Corporate manslaughter. I’m not saying it was a direct result of a Tory government, a coalition government or even a Labour government. It’s not that black and white but successive governments have definitely contributed to this horrific event.

We do know that Labour tried to pass legislation that made private rentals fit for human habitation and that it was voted down by the Tories, 70 of them, themselves private landlords.

We do know that under a Tory government the poorest in society have not only been ignored but actively villified in the media. Just watch Channel 5 any night of the week and you’ll see what I mean.

We do know that the residents had raised concerns for years over fire safety and were ignored to the point that when this £10 million make over, to make the building look pretty to the rich people accross the road occurred, that sprinklers, at a cost of £300,000 weren’t retro fitted.

We know that fire retardant cladding at a cost of an extra £5,000 was written off for it’s cheaper counter part that appears to have been made out of fucking hey and petrol.

We know that the affected residents were largely ignored for the immediate days after the tragedy, relying on the milk of human kindness from their neighbours, a sight we see over and over again with homelessness rising and foodbank use increasingly. The great british public stepping in when the government can’t be fucked. Waiting in the wings to help after the camera crews left, the smoke died down and there were no officials to be seen.

This is political and we shouldn’t tolerate or ignore it. Whichever way you look at it, people died because of cost cutting in one of the richest countries in the world in 2017. There’s no polishing that turd.

Never have so many poor people been let down by so few rich ones. The horrific events of today have passed me by, chunnering around in the back ground between work and a busy home life. If you want Tucker then sorry, tough shit. This is me and there’s nothing funny here.

I’m watching News Night right now and I’m shaken and angry. In one of the most affluent areas of London, the indigenous inhabitants have been left to rot in dilapidated, 24 storey, 1960’s vertical shanty towns.

The few remaining buildings are surrounded by luxury mansion blocks inhabited by the super wealthy, and, to make these eyesores more palatable they were ‘done up’ at a cost of millions of pounds to make the views more modern, whilst the residents inside suffered with faulty wiring, broken lifts, no fire alarms and no sprinklers.

10 million fucking pounds on a nice a looking fire threat. I have no words to describe how disgusting this is, so I won’t event attempt to.
Especially when you take into consideration the multiple warnings from recent disasters around the world where similar technologies have been used.

The residents repeatedly raised their fire safery concerns about lack of proper escapes, alarms and sprinklers, which were clearly ignored by the council and the managing agents. I bet that none of the residents of the surrounding multi million pound apartments had such issues.

Today has clearly illustrated the massive divide between the super wealthy and the super poor in this country. Just one credit card owned by someone living in an adjacent apartment probably could have fire proofed this whole estate.

Greed has done this. Cuts have done this, and the determined and successful persecution of the poorest in our society, by a government hell bent on austerity and misery, directly resulted in those poor ‘little people’ being ignored and written off as a mere annoyance.

I’m not proud to be British today. In fact I’m fucking embarrassed.

A fucking one hour show devoted to telling stupid people how not the waste money. There’s more than one series too! How many fucking idiots are there for that shit Harry Hill to patronise?

If you haven’t see it, Greg Wallace decends on people’s houses looking like a pimp farmer and tells them to go to fucking Aldi for an hour. It goes a bit like this;

Greg: “I see you like to spend £82.40 a week on Persil. I bet we can bring that price down a fair whack for you, up the apples an pears, blah blah blah.”

Family of cunts: “Fuck off! I can well tell if my clothes ain’t clean enough with Persil innit. I’ll know if you’re shitting me you fucking bald jumped up Tomato salesman.”

There’s then a fucking 45 minute montage of people shopping and hosts tutting. It’s like a really shit episode of supermarket sweep with contempt instead of prizes, interspersed with some fucking cooking for three year olds classes to stop the stupid bastards spunking £50 a night on takeaways.

At the end of the show the family are amazed to learn that they’ve been cleaning their fucking clothes in Almat washing powder from Aldi, which is a tenner a gram cheaper than Persil, which is about the same price as a gram of Westminster coke.

They also learn that eggs is eggs, milk is milk and cabbage is fucking cabbage, with all the worldly awe of a toddler who’s just discovered a fucking electrical socket. The stupid fucking cunts.

This new suggestion of an end to austerity is fucking bullshit. The DUP have certain demands that contradict the Tory manifesto, and so the tories are using the inevitable compromise to try an appeal to the left after the success of Corbyn’s election campaign.

It won’t fucking work. This blatant propaganda is as transparent as Corbyn’s greenhouse. Not cutting pensions isn’t anti austerity. You’re fucking Auntie Austerity Theresa. The Tories have cut more in 7 years than fucking Edward Scissor Hands on crack.

I’m not going to go off on one about the horrific event which unfolded today. We don’t know enough about the causes and the problems surrounding it yet. There are no words, and all I can say is that my heart goes out the families of the victims.

The truth is though that the fire service has seen cuts along with every other front line service, yet they’re always there for us when we need them the most, like fucking Russia is for Trump.

In the latest terror attack the police were on site in two minutes and the perpetrators were dead quicker than a fucking UKIP Leader’s career. 8 minutes to be precise. Today our fire fighters were heroes. They are everyday. All of the people who save our lives on a fucking shoe string are.

You’ve got doctors working off fucking one hours sleep, nurses paying hospital parking charges and going to fucking foodbanks. There’s police officers working 16 hour days, having their holidays cancelled and being drafted around the country to wherever needs them most like fucking temp staff. Then there’s fire fighters. These guys are braver than Jacob Reece-Mogg in a fucking Weatherspoon’s. How bat shit crazy do you you have to be to walk into a blaze?

Stop the dementia tax, triple lock the pensions and do whatever else your new DUP overlords ask of you, but for Christ’s sake end this fucking madness. Give these vital services the fucking funding they need. I don’t care if you leave all the libraries to rot or the swimming pools permanently closed but look after the people who look after us, and whilst you’re at it pay them a decent wage. A fucking bravery medal doesn’t pay the ever increasing bills in this fucking Third World country you’ve forced upon us.

I’m sick to the back teeth of hearing about fake news, alt-facts and post truths. You know what an alternative fact is? Not a fucking fact!

In the good old days, about three weeks ago, a post truth was called a fucking lie. It’s worrying that this alt-language has grabbed such a hold, and is ironically being perpetuated by a mainstream media who are the biggest fucking perpetrators of fake news. Yet they have the audacity to give you fucking ‘helpful guides’ on how to spot it.

Here’s a helpful guide; If it’s bizarre or funny and you’ve never heard of the news site it’s been shared from, then it’s probably a fucking gag you thick cunt.

If you read it in a news paper or saw it on the TV then it’s state propaganda from fucking Kim Jong May.

The powers that be are scared that you might put down your Mail for a second and get distracted by something online that might effect how you vote. You know, like a fucking meme about homelessness doubling since the tories came to power. They’re petrified that your tiny little minds might pull that statistic up when you’re at the booth. Floating to the top of an ocean of fucking strong and stables.

Some of my favourite sites are being branded as fake news and people are being warned to be ‘cautious’ of them. Absolute bollocks!

What is now branded as fake news used to be called satire back when we had brains and didn’t steal all of our terminology from a fucking orange wizen faced perma cunt.

Pages like The Rochdale Herald, NewsThump, The Onion and SNN unashamedly present their articles as real news when shared over a social media platform, but dig a little deeper and go to their home pages and most will tell you they are in fact satirical, you know, incase you’re slower than fucking Diane Abbot adding 5 and 7.

Satire provides a valuable public service and us Brits are masters of the art. Good satire should question authority, hold a mirror up to society, challenge your opinions and even make you piss your pants laughing. Spitting Image wasn’t branded as fake, neither was The Day To Day, Brass Eye, Rory Bremner or The Thick of It.

So, embrace ‘the fake news’, share it, laugh at it and discuss it. Earth isn’t a nice place at the moment as we all hurtle back to the 1930’s. Your government wants to spy on you, it wants to divide you by making you despise each other and it wants you to be submissive and not to question it.

Challenge the ignorant. Rip the Daily Mail from their hate filled fists and explain why it’s bollocks. Tell them the X-Factor is fucking shite and there’s a tonne of real music by talented people out there. Tell them it’s not ok to not care about politics or the news and that all the benefits programmes on Channel 5 are not an accurate reflection of fucking society.

Stay awake, wake others and fight the good fight.

Fuckity bye.

You fucking smashed the commons today like John Prescott with a Fray Bentos. Using May’s tired sound bites against her was a stroke of genius. I was waiting for a cartoon spliff and fucking sunglasses to appear after those gags, with fucking Snoop Dogg blasting out.

You fucking owned her like George Osbourne with all the money. A standing ovation as well from all those grinning bastards pulling their knives out of your back as you walked past. Well done you pal.

Now I don’t care if you have finally got a gag writer. May has one but hers is as funny as genital warts, or an episode of Mrs. Brown’s Boys. Whoever’s advising you, keep letting them, apart from on how to speak. You’re dropping more T’s than Mrs. Fucking Doyle lately, and that worked out about as well as Eric Pickles at the gym for Milliband.

Now I’d love for you to form a minority government, so would millions of others, but there’s more chance of fucking Jonathan Ross pronouncing his name correctly. Fucking Maybot 2.0 powered by DUP Inside won’t allow that

So, keep that campaign passion alive. Destroy them cunts in PMQ’s and their faux anti-austerity, like David Cameron with his own career. Even I had my doubts about you for a while but you’ve stood up to that plate lately Like a fucking Vicar collecting for a roof.