Britain’s Got Talent!

Probably. I don’t watch that shite, but I wanted to write something relevant for likes and shares being the whore that I am, like your mam.

Seriously though, I do like to watch the final. That way I can tell who the next presenter of Big Brother’s Bit on the Side is going to be by looking at the fucking runner up.

I can then avoid all the fucking vacuous gobshites in the smoking area at work, when I hear one of the gravel voiced cunts mutter his  or her name between B&H plumes. 

I’ve nothing to add really. Does it exploit personal tragedy with sad music and an orange hue like X-Factor did/does? I don’t watch that shite either you see.

I’ll still prefer Leonard Cohen’s version of Hallelujah, no matter how many times an obese loser with a fucking dead granny shits all over it.

So yeah, anyway, the music guy won it even though that bird who loves getting her baps out promised that little girl she’d win. What a cunt.

Everyone thinks they’re a politician!

It’s not really true that is it? Just because you’re an ignorant cunt, who’s oblivious to the political shit storm currently smashing through the country like Eric Pickles with a box or Jaffa Cakes, it doesn’t give you the right to write off everyone with an opinion because ‘it’s boring’, or you struggle to follow it all like Diane Abbott in a fucking year three maths class.

This post is aimed that the “It’s just people in suits chattin shit innit” camp. You know, the fucking type of cunt who gives you the name of a  Britain’s Got Talent act when you ask who they’re voting for. 

You know the ones. They watch fucking Gogglebox because TV alone is too difficult, they need to watch other mindless simpletons watching it for them. 

No we’re not ‘experts’. We just happen to just give a shit about the horrendous state of the country, the world and humanity as a whole because we’re fucking terrified for our kids.

By all means though, keep watching people fucking in TOWIE, or people’s dreams getting shattered in The X-Factor and we’ll stop posting all this distracting unimportant stuff.

God forbid we interrupt your fucking ‘News’ Feed of food pictures,  ‘funny’ cat videos and fucking gym updates to try and sway you’re tiny mind in one way or another.

I’m not a bleeding heart lefty liberal snowflake buttercup

I don’t need a fucking ‘safe space’ and I don’t get outraged on behalf of others by everything I fucking read.

I’m not vegan and I don’t believe there’s 568 fucking genders. I don’t think people with different views should be banned from expressing views or debating at universities. If the liberal left want to be taken seriously then YOU need to sort all this shit out.

I am however a human being. I’m nothing special and neither is any other cunt. We’re all the same, a virus on earth destroying everything we touch. We’re literally scum but, all scum together, there’s no hierarchical system of scum. No scum is superior.

I can’t stand the world we are living in though. I can’t read an article without becoming incensed, not faux outrage, like being angry on behalf of some fat bastard who’s face is spunked accross a tabloid front page because he’s “offended” at being asked if he wantd a fucking grande coffee in Starbucks instead whatever a fucking small one is.

Im talking seriously fucked off, real 100% outrage. I’m insulted that people think Donald Trump is an alright guy because they haven’t got a basic grasp of history, or can’t be arsed watching the news and learning about the fucking world around them.

I’m annoyed that you can’t punch a racist cunt of a Nazi, and that instead you’re expected to engage these backwards, knuckle dragging, spunk buckets into a debate instead.

How can you engage with someone who thinks they’re better than someone else based ethnicity or beliefs in 2017? How can you argue with stupid cunts who call lies post truths and alternative facts?

I’m all for hearing people out and debating things I believe in, but if you’re a Trump supporter I’m fucking done with you.

I’ve listened to idiots tell me that when he’s President “he’ll have no real power and everything will have to go through Congress”. Bollocks, in his short time as leader he’s already angered the natives, divided the country, tried to ban Muslims, ruined health care, raised serious questions about Russia and given up on the environment.

Brexit negotiations is all you fucking talk about!

Not that I’m complaining, but the Conservatives have fucked themselves more than a 70’s teenager who’s just found the underwear section of his mam’s catalogue.

All they talk about is fucking Brexit negotiations, which is strange, because the tories usually have the utter stupidity and ignorance of the British public nailed, like fucking Kim Kardashian for fame.

‘The majority’. The cunts you’re trying to appeal to, don’t fucking care about negotiations. They forgot about fucking Brexit the day after they voted to fuck the country like an ex PM’s pig.

This will backfire like a fucking Lada on a hill. You have you nothing, fuck all. Just insults, slogans and Brexit.

Here. I’ll fucking sum your campaign up in a few lines for anyone who doesn’t want to fall into a coma trying to watch your ‘debates’

Brexit.
Corbyn is a terrorist.
Brexit.
Strong and stable.
Brexit.
Coalition of chaos.
Brexit.
Will of the people.
Brexit.
Frustrate the negotiations.
Brexit.

Sean Spicer asks to stand further away from the fan that Trump keeps flinging shit at

Shit Melissa McCarthy impersonator and Presidential bull shit deflector, Sean Spicer, has reportedly asked President Trump if he can distance himself from The White House.

An anonymous source said that the tiny Castrato pleaded with the President ‘like a hoe for crack’ not to face anymore press after his latest controversial decision.

He reportedly said; “I can’t take this anymore Donny. They’re like wolves waiting to tear me apart. I can’t defend the indefensible no more. I can’t do it.”

Mr. Trump is alleged to have responded; “This is going to be a walk in the park compared to when I tell them about dementia tax. Theresa has some incredible ideas.  Amazing. Magnificent.”

 

Theresa May refuses to attend the General Election

After appointing Home Secretary, Amber Rudd, to take flack from ‘the most left wing audience since a Stalin rally’ – Daily Mail, in the last leaders debate.

The Supreme Commander of the Strong and Stable Great State of Little England, Treesa May, has ruled out appearing in the upcoming General Election, stating;

“People don’t need to see my strong and stable form during the Election, as they have done countless times in my strong and stable debates at PMQ’s.”

“My time would be better spent being strong and stable elsewhere, campaigning for strength and stability against a coalition of chaos lead by a naked, IRA loving Jeremy Corbyn.”

Rumours have already started circulating around Westminster about who Mrs. May will appoint to stand in for her, with Boris Johnson as odds on favourite closely followed by the corpse of Margaret Thatcher.

What the fuck are you doing now you half witted shit Biff?

I thought I’d fucking finished with you after the failed Muslim ban and your media black out of science. Who’s advising you? A fucking superstitious 14th century Monk slash wizard? 

You’re thicker than a yanks thigh, you fucking jaundice, geriatric cunt.  How the fuck did you win? Did you promise everyone free food and guns? 

Ruining everyone’s health care is one thing but what have you got against fucking polar bears and great grand kids?

It’s not fucking ‘fake news’ Donny. It’s decades of research carefully carried out by experts. No, not the type of experts who used to advise you on how to evade tax, fucking scientists like the ones you banned from talking to the press.

I know it’s all about the art of the fucking deal with you but at what cost?  This is the fucking planet we’re talking about, not stock. Your country is the second biggest pollutant in the world. It chucks out more harmful gasses than you on the shitter. 

For Christ’s sake, even China are signed up to this deal and they eat fucking Fido. 

You’re an embarrassment, a saggy faced, loose chinned twat nadger, a fucking tiny wandering handed, toupéd toss pot. If you had a brain you’d be fucking dangerous you ginger, piss guzzling, pussy grabbing gob shite. 

You’re a toxic, alt-human, thin skinned groper. A gold obsessed, miniature hand waving  philanderer, and a Mexican hating, Putin rimming, cretin rousing, pussy alarmer. 

Fuck you, you wall building, bile filled, truth skewer.

 

What the fuck are you playing at Tiny Tim?

You can’t win a cunt off with that bewigged Toby Jug. Andrew Neil is Prince of Pricks, Tsar of Twats, fucking King Cunt.  What were you thinking? 

You’ve just shat all over the tiny percentage of moderate tory votes you’ve been collecting like fucking stamps for the last year.

I don’t usually bother Tuckering Lib Dems. It’s like shooting cunts in a barrel, or watching fucking Eurovision.  It’s a massive waste of time and it just makes me angry.

Seriously though, I don’t get it. What was the strategy there? Talking over Andrew Neil is like arguing with The Terminator. It can’t be bargained with. It can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t feel pity, or remorse, or fear. And it absolutely will not stop… ever.

No one is going to vote for a fucking Jack Russell on coke. You left on such a high yesterday with your little Bake Off quip. You were cute as a button. Bless you. But you’ve just thrown it all away like a fucking tory promise the day after an election win.

Why are you voting Conservative? Serious question.

I mean, you’d have to be a fucking blind spunk headed degenerate to back those policies wouldn’t you? You’d need to be a terminally ignorant lobotomised Jack to buy those fucking beans.

Seriously though, this is an open forum. Convince me! I’m happy to sift through your basic black and white infantile musings, like a tramp looking for his lost gold tooth in dog shit, whilst dodging your regurgitated soundbites like May avoiding fucking debate requests.

Is it the fucking four corn flakes for breakfast promise for the kiddies? How are you going to spin that one for me? “It’s Treesa tryna fight childhood obesity innit.”

Maybe it’s the steal your inheritance promise? Oh yeah, sorry I forgot! You work in fucking Argos now but it’s only a stop gap until you’re the CEO of Barclays, because you’re going to work really hard and get on. You won’t need your mam’s house will you? You’ll have fucking 10 by then. And no terrorist sympathiser is going to tax you an extra grand when you’re earning 80.

And don’t pretend that you give a fuck about Brexit either. You’re just glad we’re out. As far as you’re concerned it’s job done. Who gives a shit how worse off we’ll all be, at least we’ll make our own rules in our ever nearing dystopia, devoid of fucking human rights.

Maybe it’s their record? You know, the clusterfuck of borrowing whilst spending fuck all, like that one mate who gets twatted on a night out with a fiver but comes back with twenty quid.

Or maybe it’s doubling homelessness? Starving the poor people or driving the disabled to suicide?

Why the fuck would you vote for these greedy self serving parasitic psychopaths? Please tell me. I want to understand the mind of fucking idiot.

Paul Nutall give up the ghost man

I saw you on that debate, thumbing your invisible fucking power detenator, like a coked up Eddie Hitler who’s just found a bottle of meths. 

What is the point of UKIP? Apart from to become increasingly racist like a pissed up Sun reader on a tram. You’ve done your job, the clues in the fucking name; UK Independence Party.

We’re independent now, alone in a world of manicial despots like Kim Jong Un, President Duterte and fucking Theresa May.

Like an embarrassing one night stand, you’ve served your purpose.  So wash the cum out of your hair, wipe your mascara off, phone a taxi and fuck off.

Yes you’ve fucked us, yes it was exciting but now we can’t look you in the eye anymore. The people who voted out weren’t keen on how Europe is managed, but you keep going on about  fucking Burkas, like a grandad after his 6th can of Skol.

You’re done. Finished. The tories used you like like a dead pig at a millionaires party. Go on. Stand down, it’s just embarrassing you lingering around here, like the smell of piss on the back seat of a town centre taxi at 4am.