Cameron’s Legacy

“He has achieved more in 6 short years than Thatcher could’ve dreamed of, and if Joseph Goebbels was a 10th as successful as David Cameron we’d be 70 years into the 1000 year Reich.”

David Cameron’s legacy reaches far beyond breaking the UK by letting an ill informed plebiscite (both sides) tear us away from the EU in a campaign that at times was reminiscent of a Nuremberg rally. His policies have made the lives of hundreds of thousands of the poorest and most vulnerable members of our society an absolute misery.

Policies like allowing glorified temp workers with zero medical knowledge to deem disabled people fit for work over ruling the opinions of actual doctors. Policies like punishing families on the bread line by with holding their entitlement for weeks on end for petty things like being five minutes late to a job centre appointment. Policies that have resulted in people dying in work or committing suicide all overseen by the loathsome Ian Duncan Smith, or IDS for short.

Under Cameron’s regime homelessness doubled and food banks, now common place, are kept going by the kindness of the good old British public stepping up when our government won’t. Why do they even exist in the 5th richest economy in the world?

Cameron and the Tories have got record numbers of people in work though which is at least one good thing. Until you tally up the figures with zero hour contracts or forced labour through illegal policy that is. They’ve also slowly eroded your rights to the point where you think that them reading your sexts seems perfectly acceptable and even reasonable, after all “if you have nothing to hide you have nothing to fear”.

As well as making the richest richer and poorest poorer they’ve sold large chunks of the NHS and continue to do so. They sold the post office after it finally started making a profit and they’ve priced our bright young things out of an education. They’ve also betrayed the very people that care for us when we’re ill.

Throughout his reign he and his Murdoch mouthpiece have managed to split the country, possibly to a point beyond repair. They’ve pitted; English against Scots,
Workers against the unemployed,
The middle class against the working class,
The old against the young, Brits against Europeans, and remainers against leavers.

And they’ve done it all with your buy in. They’ve done it all to protect you for the greater good, to repair the economy and they did it all in vain. The national debt has increased and they’ve borrowed more than all previous Labour governments combined. The really sad thing though is that they’ve got you believing that wanting a fairer society is now a toxic lunatic ideology.

Greed caused these ills, the corrupt banking system, the super rich and the elite caused all of this. They caused the global financial crisis but they’ve got people blaming immigrants. Cameron’s greatest achievement though was Brexit. He got people to vote for an unelected PM, more cuts, more tax, another Tory government and a non existent opposition to scrutinise them when we no longer have the safety net of Europe. But better yet he actually made them think they’d rebelled and broke the system.

He has achieved more in 6 short years than Thatcher could’ve dreamed of, and if Joseph Goebbels was a 10th as successful as David Cameron we’d be 70 years into the 1000 year Reich.

Good riddance.

We’re all going to die and we deserve it

“It also lead to Brexit. The biggest mess since John McCririck had a fucking vindaloo, but worse of all it lead to Trump and because of him we’re all going to die, and we fucking deserve it.”

Far right politics has been spreading faster than Jimmy Savile rumours in a children’s hospital in the 80s these last few years. Toe faced tossers and hawk browed fuckers like Piers Morgan and Katie Hopkins are now mainstream. We’ve normalised being a cunt.

It’s like the 70’s all over again but devoid of the crap attempts at veiling the inherent racism with shit stereotype gags. Back then people blacked up and ate curry to portray a Muslim. Now we’re just told they’re all paedophiles and terrorists.

We’ve become selfish and isolated, pointing the finger of blame at everyone but ourselves, like Nigel Farage staying up past his bedtime.

And where has it got us? We have a 1000 year Tory Reich, because in the age of zero hour contracts people are still fucking stupid enough to believe that if they shovel shit harder than anyone else, you know, REALLY ‘work hard and get on’. That they’ll one day earn 80 grand year, and when that day comes they’re not going to give their hard earned cash to some beardy do gooder, so he can squander it on fucking meals for kids.

It also lead to Brexit. The biggest mess since John McCririck had a fucking vindaloo, but worse of all it lead to Trump and because of him we’re all going to die, and we fucking deserve it.

He’s not a President, he’s a privileged geriatric hyper cunt who knows how to rally dick heads. He’s no statesman either, if he were he’d have done what all his predecessors did and ignored the Kim Jong dynasty for the peripheral nutters that they were.

Not Trump though. That reactionary Twitter happy fumble cunt has made a threat. A threat he now needs to make good when the shit hits the fan. He’s poked the wasps nest and now we’re all going to get stung.

Still, we can celebrate being truly free of Europe after its been fucking vaporized eh? Well, for five minutes anyway, before we follow suit.

Fat tyrannical despot threatens Kim Jong Un

Fat tyrannical despot threatens Kim Jong Un

President of The United States of America and the world’s most famous dementia sufferer,¬†Donald Judas Trump, took a break from Tweeting bollocks and trying to grab his own pussy neck today to threaten North Korea.

The retaliation came after fat fuck and shit Psy impersonator, Kim Jong Un, reportedly built a mini nuke that could cause at least $10 million of improvements to Arizona after US sanctions on North Korea. Resulting in a riled orange wizened faced cunt.

On a state owned propaganda news channel, the obese dictator threatened “fire and fury” against North Korea if they continued to threaten the US.

So, expect a three minute warning, and be sure to close your curtains and lock your doors tonight as a million war heads rain down on you.

Peace Out.

Corbyn walked past 80 empty prams in his latest PR stunt

Corbyn walked past 80 empty prams in his latest PR stunt

Jeremy Corbyn was up to his old tricks earlier today by ‘helping’ a woman carry a pram up some steps.

The swivel eyed lefty loony and secret house wife sex pin up was filmed struggling with a pram and pretending, yet again, to be a normal and decent member of society.

A unamed Daily Mail source, however, speculated that the wannabe Geography teacher and Chairman Mao enthusiast was in fact recruiting the youngster into the momentum youth.

“You could just tell by his shifty fucking eyes that’s what he was gonna do” he said.

However, it has now come to light through a photo taken from a different perspective, that Mr. Corbyn had 80 empty prams delivered before the ‘random footage’ was taken and infact ordered the child from a people trafficker on the dark web.

Labour refused to comment as they were too busy plotting to overthrow their despotic, power hungry leader.

Who’s going to cut ribbons and be a cunt now?

“After 150 years of walking two steps behind his missus, like a Saudi Arabian husband in a parallel universe, Prince Philip is finally retired from being miserable and making racist comments.”

After 150 years of walking two steps behind his missus, like a Saudi Arabian husband in a parallel universe, Prince Philip is finally retired from being miserable and making racist comments.

The 7ft ancient derelict, Bruce Forsythe, was supposed to lead the tributes, but sadly he’s too ill.

So who should replace him? The fuck browed, muzzle mouthed, bile belcher, Katie Hopkins, has been turning up and insulting people for years, so maybe she’d be the perfect candidate?

Although instead of launching ships, that cunt would probably prefer popping fucking dingys.

Or maybe he doesn’t need replacing? Maybe the royal family are a massive waste of money like Dominos or fucking football.

So would it really make a massive difference if they don’t do anything? If they just stop like Louis Spence’s career? After all, you’d forgotten about that cunt until you read that just now.

Ernst Stavro Blofeld appointed as Trump’s new Director of Communications

Ernst Stavro Blofeld appointed as Trump’s new Director of Communications

Yes it’s that time of the week again, when the tiny handed philanderer appoints a new Director of Communications.

Just 11 days after Anthony Scaramucci was chosen as Chief Bullshitter for The White House, Trump was reportedly unimpressed after realising he isn’t in a fact Bond super villain, but just a rabid coke head with a penchant for swearing.

Trump was allegedly so afraid of Scaramucci that he hired an army general as his Chief of Staff just to fire the shit Fonz.

“He’s not Scaramanga!” Trump was overheard saying to an aid shortly after Scaramucci was appointed.

Mr. Blofeld is currently not available to comment until he’s officially sworn in.

Mrs. Brown banned from entering the US

“I would eat chlorinated chicken until I shat out a swimming pool, if they took that unfunny cunt and the cast of Benidorm for just one fucking series.”

You probably thought I was going to write a satirical article about Trump banning her after he banned trans gender people from serving in the US Military.

I’m not. The US banned Mrs. Brown and her fucking boys because they’re about as funny as twatting your elbow whilst escaping from your wreck of a car after a horrific crash. And if they didn’t ban her they fucking should.

I would eat chlorinated chicken until I shat out a swimming pool, if they took that unfunny cunt and the cast of Benidorm for just one fucking series.

It would only be one series though unfortunately. I know we all think yanks are thicker than an Alan Bennet memoir, but they fucked Piers Morgan off quicker than a Tory manifesto after an election.

Mrs. Brown isn’t fit to sponge up Mrs. Doyle’s spilt tea. Utter fucking shit.

 

 

UK performing better without a government

“So far no tragedies, acts of terror, or basically anything news worthy at all, Britain is duller than a Reece-Mogg anecdote right now.”

With all the MP’s taking a well earned break from fiddling expenses and covering up catastrophes, Treeza has fucked off on a walking jolly and Jezza has started on his next batch jam.

So far no tragedies, acts of terror, or basically anything news worthy at all, Britain is duller than a Reece-Mogg anecdote right now, which isn’t a bad thing, in fact it’s a nice rest from the last few months.

There’s been no chucking billions away to T-Rex deniers, no general elections, no fucking referendums and we’re getting a nice break from the fucking phrases ‘strong and stable’ and ‘Brexit means Brexit.’

In fact, the only thing that’s happened in politics land recently is that Farage urged young people to go and watch a film about British people fighting his fucking hero.

I don’t think we need a revolution, or even a Labour government. We should just let all the MP’s have a permanent holiday like Holly Willoughby.

No violence, no overthrowing, or taking back control, we just manage without. Crack on as normal and hope for the best. After all, what would be missing exactly? All we’d need is a bumbling prick to insult other countries on TV occasionally, and a letter to America telling them to do whatever the fuck they like and that they’ll have a full support. Piece of piss.

Ronnie Pickering challenges ‘that car park cunt’ to a fist fight

Ronnie Pickering challenges ‘that car park cunt’ to a fist fight

Celebrity hot head and scooter botherer, Ronnie Pickering, became a YouTube sensation after offering to beat a moped driver to a pulp to ‘learn him about the road’.

Since the helmet cam footage went viral, things have calmed down on the Pickering front, until footage recently emerged of an angry toff, obsessed with murder and citizen’s arrerests, threatening a family in a car.

After the watching the video, Pickering Tweeted that the man in the video, a Producer for David Attenborough called Fergus Beeley, is a ‘pink shirt wearing ponce’ before challenging him to a fist fight.

Both of them have been asking each other ‘do you know who I am?’ on Twitter for the last 5 hours.

More follows…

Trump bans trans people from the military

“The permanently perplexed, flange jowled, fuck faced, tyranacunt, vomited the important announcement all over Twitter like a thick dog who’s found it’s owners chocolate stash.”

The permanently perplexed, flange jowled, fuck faced, tyranacunt, vomited the important announcement all over Twitter like a thick dog who’s found it’s owners chocolate stash.

Trump likes to dress up in military uniform and laud the efforts of his forces, at massive rallies, like a coked up Hitler who’s just lowered his IQ by half after watching fucking Love Island on catch up.

Only Hitler actually served his military and won medals, unlike Trump who dodged more drafts than a recovering alcoholic in a Weatherspoons.

Yes, the oranged hued, birds nest modelling, clunge agitator, respects ALL US heroes, apart from those awkward fuckers who may need time off for surgery or even some moral support at some point. Fuck it, lose your legs on a land mine and he might consider a hospital appointment for you. You know, when you’ve proven yourself a hero by ruining your life, like he did Nam, when the sale of his fucking house fell through, probably.

He’s not thought this through has he? The cunt is more unbalanced than Laurel and Hardy on a fucking see saw. And when an inevitable war kicks off and he reintroduces conscription, he’ll probably find that the 10 million soldiers he’s expecting to fight for his country are all suddenly men trapped in women’s bodies.