Government to ‘kill two birds with one stone’ by allowing fox hunters to hunt the homeless

Government to ‘kill two birds with one stone’ by allowing fox hunters to hunt the homeless

“With fox hunting being theoretically illegal unless you’re hunting for foxes in front of the Police, and homelessness quadrupling in some areas, the move seemed like a no brainer” said a Tory minister, probably.

The proposal comes after several Labour and Conservative councils have attempted to quell the homelessness epidemic by moving beggars along, or fining them.

“We realised fining homeless people is difficult as they don’t have any money” said a Labour councillor in Rochdale who wishes to remain anonymous.

“We tried moving them on as well, but everywhere we move them to is also full of homeless people.”

The move has attracted a lot of interest from the fox hunting community.

Lord Painington-Torture said; “It makes perfect sense. Hunts are becoming more and more difficult. I broke my whip on a saboteur’s head on Boxing day, it’s just not cricket.”

He continued; “The sheer volume of homeless scum will take the sport out of the hunt somewhat, but at least we’ll be performing a public service and there will be plenty to go around.”

The first trials for the programme have been scheduled to take place in Windsor ahead of the impending royal wedding.

2018 and global politics is reduced to a Twitter dick swinging contest

There’s no planning. No delicate approach to dealing with potential foreign threats, just an unfiltered, unbalanced, reactionary torrent of potentially world ending diarrhea, shat out of the tiny fingers of a deranged orange shit wig stand whilst he takes a dump.

Remember when a President’s address was an actual newsworthy event, carried out with reverence, forethought and a well authored speech?

Granted, Bush was thicker than northern gravy but that didn’t matter, surrounded by flags, standing at his lectern with a team of competents in the background made him almost believable in his role as the world’s most powerful man, in spite of him fucking up more than a three year old iPhone.

Fast forward to 2018 and Global politics is reduced to a nutter with Twitter. Long gone are the lecterns, the speech writers and the competents.

Now the most powerful man in the world is an illiterate, senility ridden, school yard bully with an ego bigger than his intellect.

There’s no planning. No delicate approach to dealing with potential foreign threats, just an unfiltered, unbalanced, reactionary torrent of potentially world ending diarrhea, shat out of the tiny fingers of a deranged orange shit wig stand whilst he takes a dump.

2018 may very well be our last year on earth, and if that’s the case we fucking well deserve it.

Millions of fat twats now know what the inside of a gym looks like

23 stone Barry Burford, standing outside Gym’ll Fix It in Rotherham said; “I’ve signed up a year, 30 quid a month, but to be honest it’s a bit of a trek from my house and there’s no pool. Oh well, not much I can do about it now.”

Gym owners across the country have been rubbing their hands together at the prospect of millions of people stepping through their doors to setup a 12 month direct debit, comment on the ambience, then leave never to be seen again.

‘Today is the first day of the rest of our lives’ lied millions of fatties to themselves as they enrolled at their local gyms for inductions, which included pressing buttons and saying things like ‘that looks hard’.

23 stone Barry Burford, standing outside Gym’ll Fix It in Rotherham said; “I’ve signed up for a year, 30 quid a month, but to be honest it’s a bit of a trek from my house and there’s no pool. Oh well, not much I can do about it now.”

The news comes after millions of others thought about starting a diet today, but then realised it’s Tuesday, and that next Monday is a much better day to start eating salad and being depressed.