Perhaps you got married or shat out a sprog? Maybe you went on holiday or your dog/cat/gran died. Nobody gives a fuck.
Not only have you tediously uploaded every every fucking gym session, described every odd excretion, and photographed, filtered and Instagrammed everything you’ve eaten that cost more than a quid, now you want to give us the fucking highlights?
Get to fuck. No one fucking cares. We didn’t care when you ran 10k last February. We scrolled straight past your feet in the sand pictures in fucking September and we couldn’t care less about your new fucking job.
We don’t care that this was the worst year of your life, or that next year will be your best. We couldn’t give a fuck if you’re going to lose weight or give up drinking and we’ll all laugh when you squander money on a gym membership you won’t use.
Merry just another day you boring fucking cunts.