Tories appoint Night King as Secretary of Reanimation to increase vote share

Tories appoint Night King as Secretary of Reanimation to increase vote share

People are living longer, despite efforts from the Conservatives to kick them out of hospital beds, or fucking freeze them to death.

However, the last election result gave May et el a wake up call in the form of them just scraping a win, with help of course from the ultra Right Wing DUP for a billion pounds they found down the back of the sofa.

The cause? Well, unfortunately for Jeremy Corbyn in wasn’t him, despite him celebrating a victory like a 4 year old on sports day with a Participation trophy, after coming 7th in the egg and spoon race for the last few months.

It was in fact death. Did you know that 50 of the 52% of the Brexit majority have already passed away, taking with them a massive share of Tory voters?

Well this is where the new plan comes in. A spokescunt at the Conservative conference said;

“We’re excited about our new appointment of The Night King. We predict that by him being able to reanimate the dead that our vote share will increase by 12,000% overnight.”

 

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