10 Facts About Conservative Voters

3. Tories are convinced eggs give you AIDS.

1. Like normal people they love to tuck into a full English breakfast with all the trimmings, but did you know they actually prefer their bacon alive and fuckable?

2. Conservatives voters are convinced that anything can be attained through sheer hard work and determination. Barry Brown, a working class Tory from Hove died of a broken heart at the age of 65. He was a road sweeper all of his life and worked 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days of the year. He died skint.

3. Tories are convinced eggs give you AIDS.

4. Before Conservatives are eligible to vote, they must swear allegiance to a commemorative Margaret Thatcher postage stamp in the company of a Church of England Vicar, who must then smear the blood of a live yet critically injured fox onto their foreheads, in a ceremony dating back to 2003.

5. Tories are incapable of retaining the price of a loaf of bread.

6. Conservative babies are born without tear ducts and require corrective surgery at the age of 57.

7. They have webbed feet. In a cubourd under the stairs.

8. They are banned from having decent haircuts but can spend ‘infinite amounts’ on cosmetic surgery, although non have ever done it.

9. They are masters of disguise, often hiding in plain site. They will actively slag off the Prime Minister to you before cheerfully going out and voting for her.

10. They fucking love a good list. The stupid fucking cunts.

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