She wasted £1 Billion for the DUP to support Labour and she’s in charge of Brexit negotians

“Treeza is like the lonely little rich girl in secondary school. Desperately showering her spends on the other kids in a bid to be more popular. The DUP are the class bully, lapping up the free cigarettes and phone cases whilst slagging her off behind her back”

How fucking gutted would you be after spending 6 months telling every cunt you’re strong and stable, and that there’s no money for nurses pay increases, only to be blackmailed into spunking a billion quid on fucking churches and incinerators for history books, or whatever the DUP squander on shit, only for them to stab you in the back when it really matters?

Treeza is like the lonely little rich girl in secondary school. Desperately showering her spends on the other kids in a bid to be more popular. The DUP are the class bully, lapping up the free cigarettes and phone cases whilst slagging her off behind her back and telling all the other kids not to go to her shit birthday party.

How fucking monstrous must Tory policy be, when it takes a bunch of far right religious fanatics, led by a shit Paul Merton impersonator, to call them out and vote with the opposition?

Not that I’m complaining. I think it’s fucking hilarious that the Conservatives spent a billion quid in an attempt to not spend any more on the NHS, only for the DUP to make exactly the opposite all the more likely.

What isn’t so funny is that these cunts are negotiating Brexit. If they can’t even agree with own partners then how can successfully navigate us out of the Union with minimal damage? It’s like watching the fucking Chuckle brothers trying to negotiate some fucking stairs.

 

 

Outrage at chef in fancy dress when Farage spoke at a far right rally

“Hollywood. What a fucking name by the way, what was his first choice, fucking Max Power? I digress, the photo was taken before he was famous and we all make stupid mistakes at some point. Even his dad forgot to put a johnny on once.”

Let’s get some fucking perspective here. Don’t get wrong, Paul Hollywood is a thunder cunt, but a Nazi? I don’t believe that for one second. Allo allo? Maybe. One thing is certain, it’s going to goodbye goodbye to his career.

Hollywood. What a fucking name by the way, what was his first choice, fucking Max Power? I digress, the photo was taken before he was famous and we all make stupid mistakes at some point. Even his dad forgot to put a johnny on once.

Does he believe in a master race? I highly doubt that, the cunt is too in love with himself to worry about other people. In fact I’m surprised he’s lasted this long without actually eating himself. How does he even meet the filming schedule when he spends 4 hours a day getting lost his own fucking eyes in front of the mirror?

Britain breaker and Toad of Toad Hall impersonator, Nigel Farage, is who you should be focusing your fury at.

That ready made Spitting Image puppet has given up entirely on trying to even pretend that he’s a stand up guy. Has he finally realised that UKIP is deader than a male perm, and therefore there’s no need to appeal to only mild racists anymore?

He spoke at a far right rally. In Germany. Like that guy used to. What was his name again? Oh yes, Adolf Hitler. A man Farage hates being compared to apparently. Well sorry Nige but you’re hardly doing your best to shake off that appearance are you? You’re working about as hard as Jeremy Corbyn in the lead up to Brexit.

In the words of Chandler Bing. Could you be anymore Nazi?

 

 

How shit must Theresa be if this is the most popular alternative?

“Mogg is opposed to gay marriage and abortion under any circumstance. Not only does he look like a childs interpretation of a tory from 150 years ago, drawn solely from a description by a pissed up Marxist, but his views are from there as well.”

I’m still perplexed that people vote Conservative. The turkeys voting for Christmas comparison has been used more times than fucking Tippex on a Tory manifesto. It’s lost all its gravity.

Lets face it, it’s just knob heads voting for psychopathic bastards, plain and simple. And those knob heads have decided that Theresa May is so shit, so devoid of charm and emotion, that a caricature of a 19th century Toff is more appealing. A crumpled picture of Walter the Softy has more substance.

Jacob Rees Mogg. A man who considers pregnancy via incestual rape the gift of life. A man who makes Tim Farron look like a fucking Satanist. A man who’s so out of touch that he probably wonders why all the people in work houses get fucking benefits in the first place, is more popular that Theresa May.

It shouldn’t be a shock really. HIV is probably more popular than Theresa May, but still.

Mogg is opposed to gay marriage and abortion under any circumstance. Not only does he look like a childs interpretation of a tory from 150 years ago, drawn solely from a description by a pissed up Marxist, but his views are from there as well.

 

Buy the right uniform and they won’t get sent home!

“Don’t you fucking get it? You signed up to the fucking dress code when th sent your little darling little cherubs to that school in the first place.”

It’s that time of the year again! Mutually assured destruction is looming ever closer, like a pervert at a gym window, as two fuck brained Tyranacunts have a nuclear dick swingining contest.

A tornado bigger than France is fucking everything in its path like like Russel Brand on a night out, and what’s on the front covers of today’s shit rags?

Outrage! Outrage as petty fucking schools insist on enforcing the rules like they have done for the last 200 years. What a set of jobs worth cunts!

“A fat short haired woman with a compo face, pointing to a picture of her beloved 13 year old Tiffany, looking all smart in front of a door, for the obligatory school uniform photo. With fucking pink hair, a 1” skirt and black and white Vans.

The story next it to it will tell how heartless staff gave up an hour of their own evenings just to spite poor Tiffany, who was wearing almost the same as every other cunt so what’s the big deal?

It will contain words like “fuming” and “petty” and will explain that the school is in the wrong because plain black shoes are somehow dearer than Vans.

They’re not and it isn’t. Don’t you fucking get it? You signed up to the fucking dress code when th sent your little darling little cherubs to that school in the first place.

It’s the same deal every fucking year you thick cunts. The school isn’t picking on your fat ugly kid. They have to punish people who don’t conform, because if they don’t, they’re actually showing your spottie little rebellious twat favour, and the only person who usually does that is frying chicken and asking people what shit pictures he’s painting.

Can you tell what it is yet? – Rules. Fucking rules, like every other cunting year.

 

Prince William knocks up Kate to get 2 weeks off work for The World Cup

Prince William knocks up Kate to get 2 weeks off work for The World Cup

News Broke earlier than William and Kate are expecting their third child.

The future king apparently got randy after spotting a meme circulating around Facebook, which states that if you get your partner pregnant in the next two weeks, the timing of the birth will coincide with The World Cup.

The lucky prince should land his paternity leave in perfect time to have a break from his royal duties so that he can relax and enjoy the football.

The palace has declined to comment, but retired Butler, Gideon Trumbell said;

“It’s fackin’ obvious what he done. He’s played a fackin’ blinder. Fair play to ‘im is what I say.”

The die date has yet to be confirmed. More to follow as the story progresses.

 

Andy Serkis to play CGI Boris Johnson in the upcoming Brexit movie

Andy Serkis to play CGI Boris Johnson in the upcoming Brexit movie

The renowned ape impersonator and former mayor of London, Boris Johnson, will quite obviously have a starring role in the upcoming movie.

The film’s Director, Martin Durkin, said; “Initially I thought this would be a straight up casting job, but after studying the main players closely, it’s apparent that both Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage will need to be CGI.”

Serkis, who’s taking on the role of Johnson, is famous for his animated portrayals of other famous apes like King Kong and Ceaser from the The Planet of Apes franchise, as well as Gollum from from The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

He said; “I’m so excited about this opportunity. Although I do think this role will still be a challenge despite my experience. I’ve played practically all of the great apes, but Boris is the greatest.”

Further casting details haven’t fully been released yet, but Sir David Jason is thought to be playing Nigel Farage after his excellent performance as Toad of Toad Hall in Wind in the Willows.