Who’s going to cut ribbons and be a cunt now?

After 150 years of walking two steps behind his missus, like a Saudi Arabian husband in a parallel universe, Prince Philip is finally retired from being miserable and making racist comments.

The 7ft ancient derelict, Bruce Forsythe, was supposed to lead the tributes, but sadly he’s too ill.

So who should replace him? The fuck browed, muzzle mouthed, bile belcher, Katie Hopkins, has been turning up and insulting people for years, so maybe she’d be the perfect candidate?

Although instead of launching ships, that cunt would probably prefer popping fucking dingys.

Or maybe he doesn’t need replacing? Maybe the royal family are a massive waste of money like Dominos or fucking football.

So would it really make a massive difference if they don’t do anything? If they just stop like Louis Spence’s career? After all, you’d forgotten about that cunt until you read that just now.

Malcolm Tucker: