Look who’s headlining Glasto!

Fucking Jezza that’s who! You can say what you like about the guy, but recently he’s come out of his shell faster than a fucking sanctioned hermit crab. I honestly thought the cunt was going to pull some fucking spoons out of his back pocket and start singing Kumbaya at one point.

Jeremy Corbyn is the happiest loser in history. He’s like the fat kid who’s secretly thrilled no one picked him for the football team, because he’s much happier whinging about not being picked than actually working up a sweat on the pitch and dealing with the giant cluster fuck that is Brexit.

He’s like the class geek who’s just shot down the bully with a killer line after years of abuse and has been rewarded with a kiss on the cheek from his favourite crush. He’s oozing more confidence than fucking Boris Johnson on a zip line.

I wouldn’t have minded being there you know. Imagine being in the front row and watching the bottles of piss hurting towards you literally turning into fucking wine mid air. The smell of fish stronger than in Russel Brand’s bed room after a night on the pull. The sons and daughters of Tory voters convinced they actually saw him levitate at one point because all they’re off their tits on trips and ket.

I heard Theresa May was’nt invited and that instead she was headlining a cheese festival in Dover, but was escorted away after it all curdled to chants ¬†of “Fuck off” and “Step Down.”

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