Oh boo fucking hoo, “no one’s celebrating St. George’s day”…

Oh boo fucking hoo, “no one’s celebrating St. George’s day” said a bald shirtless fat cunt, wearing an England flag as a cape, as he supps a can of Carling. You are you daft twat, so what’s the fucking problem? No one’s told you can’t fucking celebrate have they? Or are you upset that we haven’t all bothered putting the fucking bunting up and aren’t waving them miniature flags about?

Yes, people make more of an effort on Paddy’s day, of course they fucking do, because Guinness is fucking well nice and you get those comedy hats. Plus people like to pretend they’re Irish for a day, it’s exotic.

What are we supposed to be celebrating today anyway, fucking mass homelessness? Get a grip you wee prick.

Hey kids, if some bedraggled manic eyed hyper cunt, with…

Hey kids, if some bedraggled manic eyed hyper cunt, with teeth like the piano keys from Big pops up on YouTube and tells you to rip up your polling cards, ignore the twat.

That cunt is the reason why we ended up with a balding lipless plasticine faced toff, who viewed the country like a pig and fucked it.

If you do see this guy, he’ll be lying on a bed like some sex crazed tantric wanker, spouting shite like he’s just drank too much dictionary smoothie. Beware, he’ll only tell you to vote fucking Labour when it’s too late.

See, I don’t care who you vote for as long as A) you do, and B) It’s not the fucking fucking Conservative.

Barry: “So what will photos be like in the future?”…

Barry: “So what will photos be like in the future?”

Psychic: “Well, film will become a thing of the past, the format will change to digital and improve year upon year until the quality is amazing, then everyone will use digital cameras and ultimately mobile phones to take their pictures. ”

Barry: “Mobile phones?”

Psychic: “That’s a whole different subject, that will cost another fiver.”

Barry: “OK leave it. So if there’s no film how do people collect them?”

Psychic: “They don’t, in fact they add a thing called a filter to the pictures which makes them look shitter than they are now. The pictures are mostly of food or people sweating in a gym and are uploaded to a thing called Facebook, accompanied by words prefixed with a hash tag like #delicious or #GettingFit etc.”

Barry: “Why?”

Psychic: “Well the hash tags allow more people to not to give a fuck you see, and they do it because they’re stupid cunts Barry, stupid fucking cunts.”

I get a lot of stick for swearing on this…

I get a lot of stick for swearing on this page. People get unnervingly angry over words, so I’d like to point out that it’s just a tribute to a fictional character from the BBC sitcom The Thick of It, created by the genius that is Armando Ianucci. Tucker is a sweary, angry spin doctor. In fact he’s a master of the art, a fucking Profanisaurus Rex if you like.

Anyhow, none of the views from my interpretation of the character have any bearing on reality, The Thick of It, its writers, its cast or the BBC.

So, if you don’t like it just keep on scrolling, it really is that simple.

Don’t be one of these fucking annoying cunts who spies a rogue tit flash on an unbearable Channel 5 ‘reality show’, then gets so outraged that they feel obliged to watch the rest of it before phoning in to complain like a little bitch.

No fucker likes them cunts. They’re the fucking school grasses all grown up.