What is it with antiques shows in the UK? All…

What is it with antiques shows in the UK? All the presenters look they should be on some sort of fucking register. You’ve got that 7ft mahogany twat jawed gimp on ITV, the fucking ‘Duke’. Duke of what, cunts? There’s an array of odd looking fuckers on his show. That gold obsessed 70 year old lady boy who looks like he’s auditioning to be a fucking tarot reader. The scruffy greasy haired fat twat with the long grubby nails, who pretends he’s skint then buy a worthless piece of shite for 50 grand and the prick with the massive eyes who looks like Two Face out of Batman without the good side. Then you’ve got the cast of fucking Balamory on the Beeb. Does it say on the job spec ‘must have a gap in teeth and/or must be Scottish’? You’ve got two Edward’s out of The League of Gentleman, a melted one and a normal one. That perpetually happy black haired bird with the punchable face who reminds me of a Textiles teacher, that fucking huge bastard who’d keel over if he ever managed to tuck his fucking shirt in and finally the poor man’s Duke, the ring leader, for want of a better term, Tim Whatacunt. Another gapped toothed shit Leslie Phillips impersonator.

People are saying the rise of Trump is a bit…

People are saying the rise of Trump is a bit 1984. It’s not, it’s more Third Reich. Hitler didn’t call it ‘fake news’ he called it ‘l├╝genpresse’ or ‘lying news’, in Trump’s words they’re ‘totally not the same thing’. I digress, sales of 1984 have gone through the roof. Well I’ve got some real news for you, there’s no point in reading it now because you’re already fucking in it. You already live in the most surveiled country in the West. There’s more CCTV cameras in the UK than in the whole of the US. It doesn’t matter that your unelected leader wants to read your emails and your sexts, or that your smart TV is online and has a camera and a mic. You’re walking around with a government sanctioned hackable device, also with a front and rear camera, a mic and GPS to boot. Hell, I’m writing this shite on one now. Any government department now has access to your data, which means the Food Standards Agency can look at my dick and face at the same time whilst I’m having a wank. But it doesn’t matter because Tory MP Richard Graham said “If you have nothing to hide, you have nothing to fear” when debating the passing of the latest nosey bastard bill. These words were originally uttered by Nazi propaganda Chief Joseph Goebbels. They’re right though aren’t they? Nothing to hide, nothing to fear. You’re doing nothing wrong, so when they put CCTV in every room of your house for ‘national security’ you’ll have nothing to fear whilst fucking the brains out of your partner. If you agree with the government then feel free to leave your bank details below.

Do yourself a favour, buy a fucking Nokia 3310.

Like MH370 before it went missing, this page is flying!…

Like MH370 before it went missing, this page is flying! Over 7,500 likes in such a small time. Tremendous. If I get over 10,000 page likes I promise to convert each and every one into a prayer and send them all off to a meme of a sick child. So sad!

So thank you all again and remember, sharing is caring. Everytime you keep scrolling a tiny fairy dies of AIDS.

Fuckity bye.

Steve Bannon you look like the guy on the front…

Steve Bannon you look like the guy on the front cover of a leaflet about the dangers of diabetes you fat fucking cunt. You’re like a shit ventriloquist who can’t throw his voice properly without moving his lips and Trump is the clackety old dummy that’s past it’s best. You don’t like ‘fake news’ do you Steve? Only far right propaganda that praises the glorious leader and scapegoats undesirables, you fucking death complexioned minority worrier. You look like the result of 30 years of hard drinking and a drop at birth, you fucking poor man’s Goebbels. Your whole administration is beyond satire but not ridicule. You’ve banned the media, what’s the next instruction in ‘My Struggle’? You ugly spunk spangled fuck trudger. What’s it like it to be an anti establishment ex banker? Isn’t that like being an anti doughnut cop? You used to be a director didn’t you Steve? You couldn’t direct your own piss into the fucking toilet bowl you fucking backwards hick rousing bible basher.